Okay Now What?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Okay Now What?
6
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 11:18pm
I just got a call from my brother.He said to me i have something for you up to you what you want to do.My exmm give him a letter for me and asked him to please make sure i got it because it was important.My brother was like i will call her tell her i have it and it's up to her if she wants to read it or not.My ex was could you tell her please to call me if she won't read it i really need to talk her.My brother was what you need to do is stay away from her you have done enough.He also told him she needs to be away from you you both have to move on.My brother has never been happy about the whole affair from the get go.Me for being with him and him for sleeping around on his wife.But no matter what he has always been there for me.
So do i have him drop this letter off/or into the trash?And i am trying to stick to my nc rule.But this is killing me i am curious to know what he wants.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: justme653
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 11:36pm

JM

The Trash after he tears it apart, DO NOT TAKE THE BAIT. DON'T LET HIM SUCK YOU BACK IN.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: justme653
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 11:37pm
Hmmm...are you strong enough to read it and not contact him? I would be curious as to what it says...but I wouldn't want to look at it if I thought it might make me want to contact him. You might want to tell your brother to either throw it out...or hold on to it until you feel ready to read it. What could it possibly say that would help YOU? After I thought about it...I realized that my xmm and I have absolutely NOTHING to talk about now. I care and wonder if he still loves me and misses me....but as much as I wanted to hear it...it just hurt me when he told me...because it doesn't really matter anymore. Plus...it was keeping me from moving on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
In reply to: justme653
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 8:02am

Maybe have your brother read it first and then he can let you know if it's something you really need to read for yourself. If he knows what's best for you, he can either give it to you or tear it up and tell you it wasn't so important afterall. Let us know what you decide.

PAL

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
In reply to: justme653
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 8:53am

You're going to read the letter, because it will kill you not to know what is in it. So go ahead and read it. (Don't ask your brother to read it and decide. You're a big girl. Do what you need to do.)

Now, you may FEEL this way, but this is REALITY the VAST majority of the time:

1. You DO NOT want to be with a man who cheats on his wife. I don't care what the reasons are.

2. If you hook up with this man, these 'feelings' you have for this man aren't going to last forever. Sooner or later (probably sooner), you will be working (WORKING) on a relationship with him.

3. He is going to need AT LEAST one-two years from the time of his divorce before he gets involved with someone else. He's also going to need some counseling. (And so do and will you.)

If you don't pay attention to this, you're going to be on the divorce support board in just a very few years. I know you don't FEEL that way -- you and he are special, your relationship is special, you can beat the odds. Don't bet your life on it. I know you don't think this is true. But it is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
In reply to: justme653
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 5:47pm
This what i wound up doing.I told my brother to give him back the letter and i said to tell him thanks but no thanks.You know what you all are right in each way that i don't need need to read his crap,he needs to deal with his issues,as i dealing with mine.I am doing good i am being good to me i am keeping to my nc even if i have to break it this one time.I actully have had a good couple of weeks and the depression feels like it' lifting a bit.I am not going to read the damn letter because i do not want to go back into a dark place.
I am off to have dinner with my daughter and a movie and to forget my second of weakness...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: justme653
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 7:00pm
Way to go girl, your going to be glad that you made such a wise decision.