He was projecting on you what, in fact, he doesn't want to recogize about his own M. Now I need you to help us understand why these kind of thoughts keep cycling through your head and why you are still focusing on what he said, did, etc.
Consider the source, Alice. That's all you have to do. Why is it so hard to see this man for the "gaslighter" that he is?
Your desperate need to want to say these things to him need to be expressed to your T. We are not qualified to help you sort these thoughts out other than what we can "assume" re. affairs and manipulation. I am sure you have read enough about it in the gazillion threads over the last year. AP's manipulate. You've done your share as well, so as Dee would say, "DIG DEEPER."
Are you writing this stuff out? If not, get a pencil and paper and write your little fingers off. Then tear it up or burn it.
I had a feeling you were the one who put those ideas that your H was abusive into his head. I didn't want to accuse you of doing this, so I am glad to see that you fessed up. Remember, both parties manipulated one another to keep those A fires burning, but little did we know at the time that those were actually flames from hell.
Keep up with your writing and counseling and let time be your best friend right now. You "work it" each day until the addiction loses it's hold on you.
The important step you have recgonized is that you said something about your H that you know isn't true. You see he is a good man and you admire his qualities. Xap isn't a man you admire and what he thinks doesn't have a place in your life, his thoughts on your life isn't any of his business. What you might want to do is think to yourself what he thinks isn't any of your business either. Someone pointed that out to me and it's taken me along time to understand that. It does help though, once I started practicing that thought pattern it helped me to let go of some of my obsessive thought patterns.
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He was projecting on you what, in fact, he doesn't want to recogize about his own M. Now I need you to help us understand why these kind of thoughts keep cycling through your head and why you are still focusing on what he said, did, etc.
Consider the source, Alice. That's all you have to do. Why is it so hard to see this man for the "gaslighter" that he is?
Your desperate need to want to say these things to him need to be expressed to your T. We are not qualified to help you sort these thoughts out other than what we can "assume" re. affairs and manipulation. I am sure you have read enough about it in the gazillion threads over the last year. AP's manipulate. You've done your share as well, so as Dee would say, "DIG DEEPER."
Are you writing this stuff out? If not, get a pencil and paper and write your little fingers off. Then tear it up or burn it.
((Hugs))
I had a feeling you were the one who put those ideas that your H was abusive into his head. I didn't want to accuse you of doing this, so I am glad to see that you fessed up. Remember, both parties manipulated one another to keep those A fires burning, but little did we know at the time that those were actually flames from hell.
Keep up with your writing and counseling and let time be your best friend right now. You "work it" each day until the addiction loses it's hold on you.
((Hugs))
I have been racking my brain thinking about what I could say or do to help you Alice.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
The important step you have recgonized is that you said something about your H that you know isn't true. You see he is a good man and you admire his qualities. Xap isn't a man you admire and what he thinks doesn't have a place in your life, his thoughts on your life isn't any of his business. What you might want to do is think to yourself what he thinks isn't any of your business either. Someone pointed that out to me and it's taken me along time to understand that. It does help though, once I started practicing that thought pattern it helped me to let go of some of my obsessive thought patterns.
Have a nice day:)
you always run the risk of
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
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