OK...Ending it for real this time....
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| Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:51am |
Ok, I typed this on the affair support board...
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We were supposed to meet next week for, well, you KNOW. But I E-mailed him and cancelled.
I'm going to need support. I was friends with this man for many years. It saddens me that the friendship may end up ruined due to all of this crap. I ruined it by crossing the line and having an affair in the first place with him. He ruined it by taking part in the affair AND encouraging me to get my independence, yet exploring possibilities with others!
I remember something Free said to another person in a similar situtation. She said that if the man was truly your friend, he wouldn't of put your marriage in danger by participating in an affair with you! Your right Free...
Sooo, back to being just friends? Who knows? I don't know yet if I'd even want to do that! Even so,I wouldn't bet on it....I think that once he realizes the booty is gone, I'd probably get no more than the occasional E-mail joke that people send each other. If that!
Oh Well!!!
Cherry

A similar thing happened to a friend of mine. She was married herself and was seeing a man that was married. She found out the guy she was seeing was also posting on a singles site trying to meet more women. They were only friends with benefits, but it was still a shock to her that a wife AND booty call wasn't enough, he had to have more.
My XMM seems to have this need to gain attention from women he finds attractive or appealing in some way. This means introducing these women to his W, and initiating a "friendship" between everyone. He did that with a woman he works with, he's done it with me, and he's still out there doing it..which is how I caught on to what is REALLY going on. He was actually doing this WHILE in a relationship with me, all the time telling me I was making too much out of nothing. His W goes along with it because she's a very friendly person who enjoys making new friends.
That had to really hurt to have come across what you did. I can't even imagine that. It really downgrades what you felt you had between the two of you, leaving you feeling you weren't as 'special' as he always tried to make you feel. The same way I felt about seeing XMM flirting in the same manner he flirted with me. Somehow, I don't feel quite as special anymore, seeing as how he goes onto the next woman that turned his head.
We developed a friendship with him and his W, so I too, lost a friendship, so I know how badly that sucks. Hang in there cherry, better you saw his true color now rather than after you turned your entire life upsidedown for him.
Hi Cherry
Welcome to the board, hopefully you won't need us to long (I MEAN THAT IN THE FRIENDLYIEST WAY)
So what steps do you plan for the future, are you and hubby working on the issues in the marriage that need work, are you working in the internal issues that that allowed you to choose to cheat rather then find a better way of dealing with your emotions over the marriage problems or what ever else may be involved ?
Hang in there the ride can get a little rough some days.
Free
Both!
I am dealing with the internal issues straight up. I am working on an "attitude" adjustment. Instead of running to my affair when "my life sucks" for various reasons (escapism), I TRY to take a deep breath and deal with the issue at hand. I try to keep the mindset of doing the best I can and not stressing over things I can't change. I say TRY because I certainly am not perfect! I don't want to drift back to the A and I don't want to dive into a bag of Chips Ahoy!
Weirdly enough, my DH has been VERY attentive here lately! I don't know if he felt me backing off him because of the affair or not (he doesn't know and I hope he never does!) He DID tell me he wants to get back the loving feeling we had when we were first together. DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?! I'm willing to try! I sure would be GREAT if I could get that heady rush with someone I'm not afraid to be seen with! That was the worst thing about the affair--worry about being seen by someone who knew me or DH when I was out with OM...
Thanks for the support!
Cherry
Cherry
>>""He DID tell me he wants to get back the loving feeling we had when we were first together. DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?! "<<
YES it can happen, we have seen more then a few cases were people have graduated from this board back into happy marriages were they want to be not have to be so there is know reason you and hubby cannot do it if yout BOTH commited to doing so.
Free