ok...you gals are gonna kill me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
ok...you gals are gonna kill me!
21
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 10:41am
Hi All,

OH-OH!!!! Katie, Free, are you guys gonna be mad at me!!! I wasnt even going to confess but all while I was doing this all your names were entering my head...What would Lily, Meg, Posie, True, Mo, fall, ivworking...etc..etc...say if they knew what I was doing???

Well I had such a stressful day yesterday. Stressful week from the opening of the gate. Next thing I know I am emailing him and I hit send! A few moments later he responded. It started getting a bit flirty. Which surprised me cuz' he hadnt done that in a long time. We were usually just arguing in the end. But you know what? While I was emailing I felt so happy and relaxed all of a sudden. I know, I know...just a temporary fix of the drug which initially makes you feel good and then you feel like crap shortly there after. Guess what??? It is sooooo easy to fall right back in the trap. I was doing at all over again after 5 weeks of NC!!!! It was like I spoke to him just yesterday

So I will let you be the judge of how bad the email dialogue was...here it is...SORRY GUYS!!!! I messed up! Big time!!!! (you have to read the email from the bottom up...the only reason i am putting this in here cuz' its like my confession time to you all. I feel obligated to confess...pretty embarassing!

Dipss --------

xmm: Didnt I just say that? Dont copy me.



And yes I am a liar!

Dipss: Liar!

xmm: Me too.

Dipss: no i swear!!! i miss our silly conversations and you making me laugh.

xmm: Liar!

Dipss: by the way....when i said that is what i missed i meant your sense of humor. i didnt mean that i missed the sexual comments. just wanted to clarify.

xmm: I knew that would get you.

Dipss: LOL!!!!! Too funny.



Very good. Yup. It just hit me. That is what I miss!

xmm: I am always interested in "Fashion". As in if I were to ask "In whaich Fashion would you like it?"

Dipss: oh love (not to be confused with "sweetheart"), dont you detect my sarcasm anymore??



yes. "the what are you wearing" comment would be considered sexual. unless of course you were simply interested in fashion.

xmm: What do you mean "shocker"



I try and stay away from sexual talk as much as possible. Now if I asked, "what are yhou wearing" that would be sexual!!!

Dipss: your not allowed using "love" as a condescending word. too sentimental.



you sound sexual??? now thats a shocker.

xmm: It the best I could come up with without sounding condescending or sexual.



I know love!

Dipss: i didnt mean you were stupid, silly.



oh good. are you sure vibrant is the appropriate adjective?



for me, it was your condescending nature, "sweetheart". (he used to that word at times to women in a condescending fashion which would make my head explode)

xMM: Wow! ouch!



It was your vibrant personality

Dipss: oh yeah love it. just as much as i love stupid people.

xMM: you love vague, dont you!

Dipss: oh!



so what was it?



now your being vague.

xMM:It wasnt the laugh!

Dipss: for some? and how about for you?

xmm: wasnt that bad for some!

Dipss: my laugh huh? just when you thought you hated it...then you realize...hmmm, it really wasnt that bad. it has that effect on most.



xmm: of course! (confession here - i was so happy to know he missed me - pretty sad huh?)

Dipss: you miss me dont you?

xmm: Just being silly. You used to say " I am feeling a little weak" (btw - i used to say that when we were having heated email conversations)

Dipss: oh what?

xmm: weak, oh!

Dipss: (this is something he mentioned before about a long running joke...so this line may make no sense) ok. i cant even joke about it. i am not or never will be a ___ girl...lets end that delusion right now. its making me a little weak just thinking about it.



yes you do.

xmm: I love to condescend.

I do have that effect!



dipps: yes. i agree. rare you used sweetheart in an affectionate way. i was the "love" word user. dont deny it. you thief of words. you mainly used sweetheart in a condescending fashion.



actually. "are you crazy sweetheart?" sounds more familiar.



laughing already. amazing what a little (xmm)___ sense of humor does to me.



xmm: I am not a liar! I always in a condescending way saying "sweetheart". IE: Whats the problem, sweetheart.... Listen Sweetheart..... OK sweetheart....



Not it sounds familiar, doesnt it?



Dipss: you are such a liar. (LOL). you rarely used "sweetheart" either! unless you were being condescending. should i remind you of the girl from ____ "sweetheart"?????



xMM: What! Well maybe my word was "Sweetheart", but that sounded condescending.

Dipss:" since when do you say "love". that is my word. you still plagirizing me? oh and by the way i didnt laugh.

xmm: I figured you would laugh because thats how I really speak.

Dipss: Hold on. Just picking myself up from the floor. Love? You sure you didnt mean to write bi-ch???? ahhh, yes. now that makes more sense.



Yes. I am in ____ today.

xmm: Whats wrong love?, you are very bitter. ___(location where I work) today?

xmm: My attitude of late is screw them. Bad?? If they think I am b__ch then screw them. I too seem to be much more cynical these days.



oh yes!! explaining yourself to 10 different people...but you forgot to mention 10 stupid different people. oh yes, that is always so much fun.



i swear _____(my son) has more common sense then half these morons.



xMM: You are a little more complex than that. I am surprised they dont know that yet. People are dumb and its not easy dealing with all the riff-raff.



I hate answering to people and explaining myself 10 times to ten different people.

Dipps: (explained the work story here)....



Ok. maybe just sensitive. tired. fed up. so because of all of that, my patience tolerance levels have decreased dramatically.



sorry to vent to you. not too many people understand me. they just think i am b--ch.



xmm: Whay are you having a shi--y day?

Dipss: I am. Vague? You mean not my typical long winded details?

xMM: Whats wrong, you are being vague! Are you in __?

Dipss: Everything??? Too vague???



Ugh!



Maybe just a shi--y day and I dont know who to vent to. Maybe I am just really tired of dealing with one problem after an another cuz' of incompetent fools in this business!!!!! Too many stupid people out there with important titles. Or maybe I am just the a--hole who is too sensitive about this crap.

xmm: I know what you are talking about, what is the issue about?

Dipss: I just want to cry today. So frustrated. You ever feel like that?



You know when you are overwhelmed with problems and you feel like an anxiety attack is coming on?



Am I crazy? Or do you know what am I talking about?



xMM: Whats up? What wrong?



I am a tough judge because I hate everything every day.

Dipss: so stressed today!!! i needed to vent! sorry.



Do you ever just hate this crap????



Lord I need a NEW life!! Real quick!!!!









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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 2:25pm
hi there Dipss--

You may have seen a post from me several days ago about needing to spend less time on this board--I can't get on at work (site is blocked--imagine that), and at home I had been spending way too much time here (my H actually asked me, in a joking manner, whether i was having an online relationship with someone!!) So I don't get to answer as quickly as I would like :-)

I almost envy you and the others who are able to keep NC. I maintained NC for a couple weeks when we first ended things, but had to break it for work. I have to talk to XMM on the phone from time to time, and this time of year it's more frequent. I am doing pretty well, especially after he and I had a "closure" talk last week, but I have to tell you that, despite the fact that he and I are able to carry on a conversation in a somewhat mature fashion, it was SO MUCH EASIER for me to ditvh the emotions when we were in NC.

It is getting easier every day, but I am convinced that NC is the best way to cleanse our systems of these relationships and the emotions that accompany them. So stick to the NC and you really will feel better every day.

And you're right--things could have been a lot worse (go back and read my desperate thread from last week--it was filled with things people told me that would have been so much worse than thinking of making contact on XMM's B-Day--you'll laugh!!

have a great weekend!

Meg

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