That old familiar spark
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That old familiar spark
| Sat, 04-03-2004 - 5:10am |
My 5 month affair ended 2 months ago due to things he was going
through at work and home. He said he still wanted to be friends
because he felt like he could talk to me about anything.
The first couple of weeks was awkward when I would see him
at work, we would exchange hello's and have normal conversation
within a group.
But that seems to be changing a bit. For the last 3 or 4 weeks
we talk and pick on each other more and I catch him looking at me and that old familiar
spark is back in his eyes. This week he came to my office and sat down and
we talked about different things, and I came so close to asking him if
he had been thinking about starting our affair again, but I didn't.
I want to so bad, because I would.
through at work and home. He said he still wanted to be friends
because he felt like he could talk to me about anything.
The first couple of weeks was awkward when I would see him
at work, we would exchange hello's and have normal conversation
within a group.
But that seems to be changing a bit. For the last 3 or 4 weeks
we talk and pick on each other more and I catch him looking at me and that old familiar
spark is back in his eyes. This week he came to my office and sat down and
we talked about different things, and I came so close to asking him if
he had been thinking about starting our affair again, but I didn't.
I want to so bad, because I would.
One of our co-workers whom is also a friend of both of ours and knows
about the affair says that I need to talk to him, because he may be
thinking the same thing and wanting me to bring the subject up first.
He says he knows us both well enough and sees that the strong attraction is
still there.
The saying that the eyes say it all is really true. My XMM's eyes get all glazed over and his cheeks get all flushed, that is what I mean by the old familiar spark in his eyes.
I don't want the opportunity to pass me by if there is another chance to be with him again.It was great while it lasted, so intense and passionate.
Does anyone have any advice for me?

Do you know that this is the ENDING board? Do you want advice on how to, and why you should, END your affair?
I get the impression all you want is advice and support on how to continue in it.
Why don't you work on your marriage and put the same effort into it instead of this affair?
Callistus
"Follow men's eyes as they look to the sky, the shifting shafts of shining
Good Luck,
~~careful
As others have pointed out, though, this is a support board for those who are trying to or have ended an affair. Sounds like that is not your issue....
However, since you ask, I do have some advice for you, the same advice I'd give anyone contemplating an affair, or a renewal of one. That advice is, before you take any action READ THIS BOARD! Read current posts, old posts, any subject that catches your eye. And read on the Betrayed Spouses Support board. These boards make a pretty convincing case that affairs lead to one place - THE HOUSE OF PAIN. And much of the pain is suffered by innocents. Many of us here didn't want to end it - we were/are deeply in love with the XMM and each day without contact is agony. But the secrecy, the shame, the doubt eat away at the relationship and our self-esteem and our marriages (you didn't mention if you are married - I am not). And married men seldom leave even unhappy marriages for the OW (my XMM's wife came out as a lesbian. No kids. And they're still married!) We are here because we know that we need to let go, and live in the light again.
Remember, ALL these stories started with that spark! But see how they ended.....do you really want to go there?
Whatever you decide, keep reading and posting on these boards. Ended or not, nobody should have to go through an affair alone. Good luck to you!
Glazed look in eyes + flushed cheeks + bulge in pants = LUST not love, lust has over powered reason for him and he is back to get that WANT met by you.
You may not have looked down for the bulge but it was there.
I remember Betty Ford talking about her alcoholism and people always asking her when she "hit bottom" with her drinking. The story I recall is that she said she didn't wait to hit bottom before she did something about her problem. Are you hoping to restart your affair so you can see just how terrible things can get? Realistically, affairs only end badly.
His eyes are probably horny eyes. You deserve better than that. You deserve a man who loves you and makes you a priority in his life. You don't need to settle for crumbs of eye contact!
Re-read your post and think if your sister or daughter told you that story. What would you tell her?
Eventually, we DO learn and we realized that we DO have a choice and that choice is allowing ONLY above board relationships in our lives because that is what each of us deserves.
Tempted1963, I hope that it won't be long before you find this reality because the only things these roller-coaster affair relationships do accomplish is eventual PAIN as we allow MM to use us like doormats!
Please don't be a doormat any longer!