Old me, NEW me...reframing and refreshing from trigger moments

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Old me, NEW me...reframing and refreshing from trigger moments
8
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 10:24pm

Hello everyone,

Here is a post to share with all, newbies, vets, and everyone inbetween, how reframing triggers can really help you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2011

I love

Formerly heartacheafter7years
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005

I love the new you!


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Yeah for New you!! I am going through old me/New me changes too. New me knows there is something called "boundaries." old me had none. New me was fished for again recently by an old flame with whom boundaries were tested (admit- crossed) last year when I was a mess. This time he fished with an old photo of us and a request to see me. Yes my heart.skipped a few beats at the "hit" but not only did I tell him no, I told my H. Who is this New me? I like her. I also let go of a boundary-testing friendship last week, thanks to some.great guidance and encouragement from the board.
This post, I can very much relate to, it is crucial for newbies with a need for the hit to understand all of this reframing. Thank you for posting and you are awesome!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2011
This is nice to hear Hearts and an excellent reminder to remain vigilant about boundaries. It is a weakness of mine, too and I have to pay close attention. I do feel "shell shocked" enough by the A to keep the "old" me in check but occassionally I feel my guard slipping. It seems to be a learned skill like everything else. Thank you for the uplifting post. You're doing great! Love, GH
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
Angie - progress, not perfection. Those words just jumped out at me. I feel like I want to BE a certain way. Over xap, no longer feeling rejected from him ending, no longer wanting to contact him. I am NOT there. I have, though, made progress!! Yes, those feelings and urges exist still, but they don't paralyze me and render me unable to do anything, as they did in the beginning. I cry, but can still go and do something fun afterwards. I get angry, but can think it through and usually let it go at the end.

I found a new motto!

Gypsy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Fab post Hearts - you are a shining light.

Gypsie - love your new motto too. You describe it well. - the stage you are at. My T told me today that I had shifted. That I'm more in the present. You sound like you too are getting that zone. Well done. Progress indeed.

Much love to you both

Yellow xc

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
I love this post Hearts :)
Thank you.so much for continuing to post on your journey. I've learned a lot from your posts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009

Hearts,

Excellent post. Thank you for sharing. Its wonderful for me to realize how the messages from this forum really are true and do permeate into our hearts and minds. Not overnight. I know I was so resistent when first started lurking here. "NC sounds cruel. Boundaries... but I am a friendly person. I WANT my guy friends. XAP and I were friends before maybe we could get that back." on and on.The lies we want to believe. The selfish things I kept saying, but now (finally) heart and mind know differently.

But the fact is they are true. I love that I don't have to hide my txts, email, and fb from hubby anymore. (I do still need to tell him about this latest fishing attempt tho, still some of old me dragging feet here, but I honestly due to conflicting work schedules haven't seen H in two days).

Like you Hearts, I am able to look at the triggers differently, they may still twinge the heart and ego. But I can say "No" to them. See them for what they are and walk away.

Newbies, if you are like me than you resist NC being a forever thing or reject seeing the affair as selfish validation instead of "love" but please read and listen. Time and time again people like Hearts and me (and so many others) have found it to be true.

Glad for the NEW me and glad to hear about others NEW selves! Thanks Heart!!