OM- Lied again !

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
OM- Lied again !
6
Sat, 05-07-2005 - 9:50pm

Hi everyone - I know I need to post on this board more often .
I hope all is doing okay - I read the posts and there is so much sadness here .
My heart breaks -

Saw OM - At work on Tues. once again it was very tense and uncomfortable
we had words again ! I felt so sad the entire day . I caved in and texted him just to ask him why - Why does he talk down to me at work etc. I didnt expect a reply and didnt get one .

I met with friends Wed. had a few drinks you know how that goes . Texted him one more time . Than got ht nerve up to call his cell mind you it was about 10:30 PM . He actually answered very surprised .

The usual I am 2 sensitive . I need to be more thick skinned blah blah blah . He tells me he's sorry he was just playing .

We ended the converstion with me asking him when are we going to hang out. The usual next week or maybe this weekend . You know where I am gong . I asked him to promise me he would call he said he would ...in the past when I would ask him to promise me he would say " I dont make promises " part of the reason why I really , really believed him .

So- I wait with my cell all day long for a phone call that never happened . Tomorrow is Mothers day so- I dont think he will call .........I cant explain what I am feeling . I am suppose to work with him on Tuesday - another uncomfortable day .

Of course our first reaction is to ask what the f....... ! I am surprised I didnt text him 10 xs today ......I was doing so well 6 long hard weeks of NC ! Bastard ims me on the April 18th and asks me if I am ever going to talk to him again ...........I DONT GET IT !!!! SAD & LONELY in NNJ . Stayed home alone all day ......what am I doing w/ my life ........any advice greatly appreciated .

* hugs to all who are hurting *

TO WANT TO CONFRONT HIM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 05-07-2005 - 10:24pm

Hugs. I feel your pain.
If it makes you feel better, last Sunday I called MM's phone about 15 times over and over, sent text mgs, and sent emails trying to get him to explain why he did this to me. (he is separated but wants NC - makes no sense to me, says he will return when he is free). Finally I got a curt response that said "We need time apart". I did nothing wrong. He is the married one here who lies to his STBX (oneday) and lies to me. he has since cut off all communication. I felt so small you know, to be treated that way. I hated him and worse, I hated myself for having such lack of respect for myself to allow myself to be treated that way. Tomorrow is a fresh day. You can start again. I know how tough it is. Believe me I do. Don't confront him. Being angry at someone shows them they have power over you. I've done a lot of thinking and I think the goal is pleasant detachment. It shows them that you really don't care one way or the other. Its been done to me and really, there is no better revenge than just living well. I know how hard it is and I am far far far from being detached. The man told me he put a deposit on a ring for me. I have spent 2 yrs waiting for him. I am not detached but at least I can give the impression I am. I will not let him see me sad or angry or hurt or missing him. He will see me happy and doing fine and one day I will not be acting. So you slipped. Its okay. Tomorrow is a new day. Think of it as a diet or quiting smoking or drinking. ONe day at a time. Just try to get thru one day at a time.

Ivy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Sat, 05-07-2005 - 10:33pm

Until you've had enough lies, broken promises, pain & heartache, you'll simply continue volunteering for yet more of the same.

Until you quit seeing whoever it us you *want* to see rather than who he's *showing* you he really is, you'll keep taking his brand of cr@p.

Since it seems he's perfectly happy to dish out just as much as you're willing to take, then YOU, LLL, have all the control. The pain & misery of fresh wounds stops whenever YOU want it to stop and it won't stop a moment before.

As that wise ole Id would say, "NC means No New Hurts." When you work with your AP, you get into a whole new ballgame and Id can certainly give you the low down on that action.

Bottom line, LLL, is this:-

You can continue to erode your self-esteem & self-worth by hoping despite all proof to the contrary that he's going to come through for you and morph into some higher being who is honest, trustworthy & respects you & himself both enough to keep his promises.

Or you can say "Hey, enough is enough, Mister! You've had ample opportunity and you've failed miserably to convince me you're worth another nanosecond of my precious time."

Having feelings & emotions, even strong ones is nothing unique. We all have them. As adults we are free to pick and choose the ones upon which we act.

It's your choice and you, LLL, are in sole control of you & your own actions.
~LeFeen~

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. " ~Anais Nin~
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Sat, 05-07-2005 - 11:29pm

loveluvlaugh

XMMs actions are doing all the talking for him, his actions are telling you were you stand with him and what sort of real value he places on you. You need to listen to what he is saying and ACCEPT it.

He did tell you one truth he is PLAYING with you for his amusement to blot up his EGO at your expense.

Do what you have to get away from this person ASAP stop disrespecting yourself by allowing this to go on another day.

The guys a lieing Turd you can do better.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Sun, 05-08-2005 - 7:29pm

Hello LLL!
First, I am so sorry that you are going through this. It sounds like you are in a lot of pain right now, and for that, I am truly sorry ((hugs)).

I have to agree with what LeFeen has said. You have more power here than you think. You can control this, and end the cycle of pain for yourself. NC is the only way to do this. It sounds like that will be difficult with your working situation, but you do not have to call/text message/email him. It is the only way that you will start to heal and end this cycle.

It will hurt, and it will take a LONG time before you are even ready to *think* of moving on, but you will get there - take baby steps. NC except for work is one step you can take. If it is far too painful to work with him, you may eventually consider looking for a new job away from OM.

Also, post often and read posts by other members. It will help you get through this.

((hugs))
Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sun, 05-08-2005 - 8:48pm

hello LLL,

i used to work with OW, she was the one who ended the affair, i am single and she is with someone, anyways , she left the job, i would have left but she found another job first, it is very hard, especially when u have to work with the other person, i get reminded all the time , lots of triggers in the workplace

anyways she left without saying goodbye, i am devastated, up to now i am in pain but time will make the pain more manageable

u might consider looking for another job in another company, i know u feel like it is hard to do but it can be done, i live by myself, no family ( oprhan) so come to think of it im even in a worst situation than u, but that does not matter, u have to take care of yourself, get rid of MM, he is only interested in SEX and will make your life a living HELL

sorry if i sound so harsh but i have been there, working with the other person is very hard

i can feel your pain and suffering, there is no more need to continue this, u can end it yourself, best thing is to find another job

welcome to the board,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 3:31pm

Loveluvlaugh, he is NOT worth it.

I don't want to hurt your feelings but he's just using you. He is quite aware that he has the power. Sometimes love is an addiction. You have to take it one day at a time.
He knows that he can call on you anytime and you will jump.

He's really turned off by your weakness (those are the times that he snaps at you and disrespects you) but wants to keep you around because you're easy... no work, you're his entertainment, sort of like golf, please do not get offended, I'm just being honest.

If you turned the tables and acted like you didn't care (which is hard in the beginning) he would respect you more. You are worth it.

Also, why would you want to share someone else's husband? You have to think, what if he were YOUR husband, how would YOU feel knowing he cheated on YOU?

There is someone out there that will love, respect and honor you but it ain't this guy.
Get your revenge. Stand tall the next time you see him. Smile at him, look your best and NEVER look back.

If you don't, there could be consequences. All of us do reap what we sow, or karma or whatever you believe it. Get out while you can.