Omg I need Help :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Omg I need Help :(
2
Fri, 10-02-2009 - 9:59pm

I have been married for 18 yrs , had it rough for the first 10 yrs mild emotional abuse due to his depression. I told him to leave , he got help and takes antidepressants and changed a whole lot. He has been back for 4 yrs now. Slipping slightly saying mean things occasionally, taking me forgranted. I told him it was not normal that our sex life dimminished. He didn't listen so I felt emotionally abandoned. I met someone a long time friend. We have had an affair for the past 7 months. He did the right thing for himself right away and ended it with is wife saying I have shown him what happiness is. We have fallen in love.


I told my husband my feelings have changed , I havent been attracted to him for at least a couple years , so he moved out .My husband spends every minute he can begging , trying ,apologizing, crying daily to have me back. I am sick. I know and knew what I wanted and now with two months of brain washing I am so afraid that I will give in and take him back. Everyone says marriage counciling... I understand that but the attraction is not there even though I love him. Its like a brother. We dont fight just live separate lives. I am so " stuck " My friend makes me SO Happy , I am not sure of a future now maybe later. We both have children and live far apart but the quality of our time is so beautiful. How can I ever end it with someone that has been honest , and never hurt me for someone that has ?And never know what could of been ?


I had not idea what I would create by doing this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Sat, 10-03-2009 - 10:25am

Hi liv,


My first impression is you need to take care of your marriage first. Then see what happens. Maybe marriage couseling, together with individual couseling, can afford you some answers. You will find no peace if you continue to be involved with both relationships.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Sat, 10-03-2009 - 12:59pm
You are so right I appreciate your comments. I forgot to mention that I did want this before I met my friend. but wanting it and doing it are two different things. I am very weak and pitty gets in the way.Put it this way I would LOVE for my husband to leave me. Its ME being the one to do it that kills me. ME being the one to break up a family with children. I have not felt a closeness to him in a very long time. I dont think we have kissed passionately in years. He is my child and our relationship is very mothering. I have the control and that is hard to let go of. Is it normal to be so sad and grieve the loss of him even though I dont want to be with him physically or emotionally ? I am not understanding these feelings.. pitty or love ? I know the answer.... I look at his actions and say to myself he must love me so much to be crying and trying so hard but the thing is I shouldnt pick him because of my insecurity about how I am loved. It should be about how I LOVE HIM. I think I need to do alot of work on myself thats for sure. Then I think of my ap and I know he would be hurt and it would be hard for him but I know he wouldnt cry for a month and give up living ( so to speak ) beause he lost me. Does that mean he loves me less ? I have been seeing a counciler and trying to sort this out. Its almost like a weak man makes me feel safe but I am attracted to a stronger one that doesnt baby me when he gets scared of me ending it. Does this make any sence ? Thanks for your thoughts