OMG. I'm freaking out. Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
OMG. I'm freaking out. Please help.
20
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 5:31pm
edited.


Edited 3/11/2010 2:25 pm ET by hazelrose2009

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 5:41pm

Hi, Hazelrose-
Of course! We can ALL relate. We're all Enders, here, as you know. Can YOU relate to US? Are you an ender, too, or just a freaker-outer because the A is not going the way you'd hoped? Please, please be an Ender. It's seems like you're at a really critical juncture right now, the fork in the road, if you will...please let us know that you have decided to turn 'right'.

Love and support for you today,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2010
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 5:46pm

hazel~

Sending you hugs and support...you have realised that the life you are living is not one you want to be living, and the fact that you're on here is a great start.

You are going to need to dig real deep right now, and accept that what you are doing is wrong, very unhealthy for both you and your H, and you are going to need to make some hard and fast decisions re ending this. You understand that what you are doing with 'xAP' is making you feel horrible, 'stupid', 'used' and 'rejected'. That's it. That's what you need to stop. And the only way you can do that is by blocking this guy, and walking away. With your body, and your mind.

Hopefully a vet will be along soon to give you more support and advice - I'm off to a IC session right now but I'll be back in an hour and a half or so if you need me again.

hazel~ you are in my thoughts as I go, and I'm sending you strength, courage and clarity to make the hardest decision you might ever have to make. I am over four weeks out NC, I have a wonderful, caring, loving H that I am reconnecting with (however, he does know all about my A) so I can help you out in whatever way I can with that part.

You CAN do this....

xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 5:49pm

Take a deep slow breath.

Yes, we have all (i would say) been there. I can relate entirely. It is a horrible feeling - to feel disposable and used-up. Not even by his actions exactly, but just that I was willing to settle for being someone's 'other'. So, like Dee said, are you joining us on the road to wellness? Are you taking your power back?

(((hugs)))

j.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 6:02pm

Hazelrose,

So, you agreed to end it today. Have you? I wasn't sure by your post.

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Well honey, you can't light those sparks until you extinguish those embers with XAP.

<>

Again, I'm confused. Did you or did you not end it today?

<>

As Deeulta said, every one on this board can relate.

<>

No, honey, you're not. Your behavior was idiotic, but we've all BTDT. Affairs make us act crazy and do stupid things...stuff we would have never done if we weren't so caught up in the fantasy. We are not ourselves when we desire someone so badly, yet know they are not ours to have. The word "desperate" comes to mind so we act out in desperation. That is what happened to you today.

When we get to the point of actually hating ourselves and the way we are acting, it's time to acknowledge that our lives are out of control and we need help. I am glad you came here because that shows us you are ready to end this madness, regardless of how humiliated or hurt you are. It's the first step in admitting THIS is much bigger than you thought, and that it's time to do something about it.

We are here for you if you are committed to ending this A. Once you have gone NC and have put some distance between you and the AP, then you can start working on your M. First things first.

((Hugs))

~ Iddy~

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 6:54pm
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Edited 3/11/2010 2:26 pm ET by hazelrose2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 7:12pm

AMAZING!!!!

I am so proud of you, of your strength and palpable determination (-:

One breath - one moment - one day at a time.

Sending you a warm hug for your sore body & soul,

j.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2010
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 8:25pm

hazel~

You go girl - you CAN do this...you really can. And your M (and your self esteem) is going to be so so much better for it.

You asked for more words of advice or support? I'm still pretty new to all this too, but I posted something about a week ago (around Feb 11th?) called 'Things I gained from my T session today' which might have something in it that helps you or speaks to you. Even if it's only one thing. You've got a heap of work to do ahead of you, but it'll be so worth it. You'll be digging deep into the darkest corners of your soul, but you can do it. Just stay focused on that long term goal - a loving, caring, 100% committed marriage without lies or deceit. Your H deserves that too.

Take care

xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 9:08pm
Hazel,
Welcome. welcome. welcome. We will be here for you with 110% of all we can give! I am overwhelmed with relief that you are joining us in earnest! Joyful, even.
Thank goodness!
hugs and more hugs-
Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2008
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 9:38pm

Oh, can I say DUH? :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 4:27pm
deleted


Edited 3/11/2010 2:27 pm ET by hazelrose2009

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