OMG. I'm freaking out. Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
OMG. I'm freaking out. Please help.
20
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 5:31pm
edited.


Edited 3/11/2010 2:25 pm ET by hazelrose2009

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 7:47pm

Anybody out there tonight?

Just want to talk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 7:50pm
Hi Hazel- I don't know when you posted this, but I am just hanging out while H is at school. I am here if you want to talk.
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 7:59pm
deleted


Edited 3/11/2010 2:27 pm ET by hazelrose2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 8:05pm

Yes- I did read it, and I am sure that now you realize the error in having contacted him... well, maybe error is the wrong word- but it certainly didn't make you feel better did it? And it won't. As so many have said here, he will either respond in a way that perpetuates the A, which you don't want, or he'll respond in a way that upsets you. Either way, you lose.

I said goodbye to my xap more times than I can count, and each time I let him back in or reached out to him with "one more email" or "one more text." Not this time. He knew I was serious when I ended it this time and he has not fished- nor have I emailed or texted "one last time." I told him it was over and that was it. This is the longest I have ever gone without talking to him in over a year. I will NOT allow myself to go back there. I will not sacrifice my self respect or my dignity for him. NC is the only way- I am a firm believer in this after several failed attempts to get out of my A. I know that I am only 20 days NC, but I have a strong resolve that I will do it for good this time- and that's by adhering strictly to NC.

I know your situation is different because your xap is a family friend. That makes it extremely difficult, I am sure, but do your best to stick to NC- it is the ONLY way.

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 8:10pm
..........


Edited 5/6/2010 11:32 am ET by hazelrose2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 8:18pm
It does turn quickly- from giddy and exciting- to dark, gloomy, and desperate. I, for one, do NOT like to feel desperate. I am glad to hear you say that this time you feel it deep down. That is how it was for me. My futile attempts to end it in the past were "it's done, but..." and while closing the door, I inadvertently left the window open. I was clear this time, and he knew it, and I knew it. He was ready for it to be done too and that's why there hasn't been any fishing. We both have to move on from this in our own way and put the pieces of our RL's back together. I know you can do the same. I think avoiding as much as you can is good in the beginning. I know that even at day 20 NC, if I were to see xap, I'd be a goner. I'd have a panic attack. Right now, when you are vulnerable, you need to self protect a little. You need to build up your strength. I hate to see you missing out on things while avoiding xap, but for now, IMHO, I think that's best.
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 8:43pm
deleted


Edited 3/11/2010 6:14 pm ET by hazelrose2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 9:55pm

Greetings, fellow thrower-yourselfer-at-a-man :o)


Yep...count me in. Due to long distance though, I didn't throw myself physically at him...just emotionally.


I dripped, oozed, bled love for him to the bitter end in emails/phone calls while he was pulling away and his contact was getting more and more generic. At the time, I knew it but my heart refused to accept it.


I also have a wonderful h with whom the sparks have...well....wait...there have never been sparks. That's a work in progress :o)


Don't be so hard on yourself. Hey Kettle? It's Free....you're black. :o)


Much love,


Free


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 11:11pm
Hazel,
I wish you could physically feel the warm, comforting arms of this board enveloping you, as they do, albeit cyberly! Rest, be peaceful. Love yourself and be free. It's all a brave new world for you now.
much love,
Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 4:01pm
...........


Edited 5/6/2010 11:35 am ET by hazelrose2009

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