OMG..Found out XAP had several others!!
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OMG..Found out XAP had several others!!
| Sat, 02-20-2010 - 8:04am |
I got an annyomous email last night with some information about XAP. The person told me that I was not XAP's first A..there were many! I did not believe the email until they replied back with his email address and his password! I went on and OMG..there are so many women!!!! XAP

Runningrl, hi!
What a shock that must have been, to receive an email like that. OMG, I don't know what I would do if someone sent me something like that. Do you have any idea who might have sent this to you? It doesn't matter of course. At least now you know the truth. I think it's better to know the truth, even when it's extremely painful.
It's very good that you got yourself for STD's already. Now at least you don't have to wait MUCH longer for the results, although even a few days probably seem very long to you.
I am going to read your story again, because I have read so many stories in the past days, I can't really remember which one belonged to you.
sending you HUGS , and try to keep breathing, runningrl. xAP hopefully only ordered that HIV-test just-to-be-sure. Let this be another reason for you to stay away from him AS FAR AS POSSIBLE.
HTGO
RG,
you wrote:
"I am in shock, humiliated, upset beyond words and scared out of my mind. I feel like my world has just been flipped upside down."
yes, your world has been flipped upside down. mine was too. the blinders we wore when we were in the fog of our affairs allowed us to ignore the flashing lights, the clanging bells, the sirens wailing.
are you really surprised? Shocked, hurt, devastated--yes, but are you surprised?
now hold yourself together. wait for the results of your tests. do NOT contact xap to tell him jack-sh!t. do not lie to yourself and believe that anything you say or do will cause him to change his behavior. he is a predator.
your reality is here and now, as is mine. keep coming here for support and strength.
lillie
Running girl,
My exAp sounds like your twin brother. I mean to a T. I have been in your exact shoes. I did not know my Exap was married. Long story...no excuses made. Once I did know, I stood around for a little while. Too long, even tho the time was actually brief. But let me say, this, I knew he was married because he was dumb enough to leave his email address open at my home....and there were other emails from women who who were trying to warn other women about him and his reckless disregard for women. He was a pro at this. Still is. And he will continue because he can....he is that charming and manipulative. There are predators....let me know if you need to see an article about serial cheaters. Once I read it, it made me not take his actions so personally and it really helped me heal.
I too was shocked. I too, need to have had all kinds of testing. I too have been tormented about other women. My exAp has Tiger beat....by a long shot. These type of men have serious self esteem issues and are what serial cheaters. they are narcistists....dang, i can never spell that damn term right. But you get what I am saying.
I suggest you do not contact him. Not at all. Do not entertain this person, while they may have informed you of some information you may have needed to protect yourself or seek some medical attention...this is only going to keep you involved. I had exAp's email password and I checked it more than my own email. It was hell, everyday a new or old face, or picture. He was on all sorts of websites. Not match.com either. all kinds of crazy ones. I found out who he really was. Not who he had me thinking he was. Try to stay out of his emails....I sent my exap an email that someone knew his password and he should change it...because i was addicted to checking it. this was before the end. I only hurt myself by looking at the emails.
U know all you need to know now. Once you get over the shock, use it has motivation to get over him. NC= no new hurts. This includes cyber contact. This was hard for me to kick, got me into trouble a few times. Hang in there.
Sorry you are going thru this. I have been in your shoes. So i can truly relate in so many ways.
Please do whatever you need to do to protect yourself in the future. Keep us posted and if you need anything we are here....
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
you must let his wife know right away.. do it anonymously if you have to.. and forward the same info to her.. and don't let HIM know that you did this.. and get him out of your life NOW.. NC all the way..
unfortunately, if you read the posts here long enough, you see that what happened to you is common.. yet it doesn't make it hurt any less or make it your fault..
please help her, because no one else will and she doesn't deserve to be hurt by this idiot, just like you didn't..
Good luck with your test results..
--
RG,
((Hugs)) to you for realizing this guy is a player and preditor...no matter how "sweet" he may come across in the process. I found out my xAP had been with others, and even tried picking up a girl when we were out in a group/work function (he thought I was on the other side of the room and not looking). I also had to hear from a co-worker about how he continually got girls numbers out at bars, even tho had been with me and had a "serious" live-in GF. Oh but he had game...his angle was the poor, squeeze-a-ble little me that was oh-so-cute. vomit.
Now I'm thinking about the STD scare as well...what was I thinking???!!! Got tested last fall...will do a follow-up in six months.
I know and feel the hurt/betrayal you're going through. It was just awful for me when I found out I wasn't "special" (like he was to me). I was just "available." Now, he's moved on to the next conquest.
Stay NC...stay the course. Do not contact him. I'm trying the same...day 11 for me.
Hugs, hugs, and more hugs,
Misty
Thank you all so much for your supportive words and advice. I know it has been said a thousand times and I will say it again, this board and all you you are my saving grace. So, thank you.
I am so sorry for all of you that have/are suffering the pain I am, so very sorry.
I hope I never have to speak to him again. I know I am in shock right now, but I can feel the lump in my throat, so I know there is so much more to come.
Hugs to you all..and don't worry I am sticking around~
Luvin,
please post the article on serial cheaters. i'd really like to read it.
lillie
The good thing about this hard lesson is that once we know something, we never "un-know" it. Once we realize that our need for xap's attention and affection made us vulnerable to his/her predatory behavior, we can address the way in which we care for ourselves, get our needs met. It does not excuse our weakness or our bad choices, but it does seem to be a recurring theme in affairs. opportunistic and calculating xaps can--and do--exploit us where we are neediest. we all want to feel loved, special, exclusive, sexy, fabulous---but how we do it once we have gone down this blind alley is now TOTALLY up to us. now we know.
you're right on, toosmart. i said the same thing to myself. he was not the person i thought he was. i never knew the man.
lillie