OMM called and I lost my mind!
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 04-26-2004 - 12:22pm |
Nonetheless, on Saturday a.m. I sent him a brief text message just asking if he was okay. I KNOW I shouldn't have done that since it will probably encourage him to contact me again the next time he's smashed and wants to "use" my voice. (I'm pretty sure it wasn't a booty call because we've never done that to each other). It was manipulative, because it made me really worry about his frame of mind. And of course, its keeping me from moving on and further away from him. He sent me text messages back that he desperately wanted to talk to me on Friday night on his way home (from who knows where?) at 3:00 a.m. but got "tongue-tied????" Back in my drinkin' days, we called that a herd of cattle stampeding your mouth. Anyway, he also said that he bets I miss his body and his charm, and announced that he was starting work with a personal trainer on Monday am. Persistent little bugger isn't he? And hitting right where it hurts, reminding me of his fantasticly beautiful body.
Well, I text messaged him back that I didn't want to waste anymore of his time or mess with his head so stop sending me bizarre messages. I did, however, also confide that there were nights when I desperately wanted to call him, too, but didn't.
UGH! Why do I lose control??? I'm very sorry today that I responded to his messages in any way, and I'm sure he believes I'm sitting in my office unable to work because I'm fixated on his personal training session. He happens to know which body parts are my favorite (I've got a real thing for huge biceps) and he'll no doubt text me to let me know how pumped up his are after this session. I SOOOOOO didn't want to encourage him. I let the guilt and feeling of responsibility cloud my judgment. It's just sooooo hard to know that someone you love is really struggling and refuse to do anything to help. At least it is for me.


Anyway, this guy sounds a bit egomaniacal -- tell him to get OVER himself and his biceps! ;-) Sounds like you had a nice weekend with the H. That's great!
Hang in there, be tough! Stop worrying about the OM's problems and take good care of yourself!
Yes, it probably triggered some things for you, esp. in regards to your sobriety....try to use this to strengthen your resolve, not weaken it...and allow you to continue down his path. We all have moments of weakness...and times when we struggle to make sense out of our seemingly foolish past actions...and sometimes we break and reach out to those to try to give meaning or understanding to what has happened. Maybe this was what he was trying to do...or maybe it was more manipulative.
In any case, I read strength in your words....brush yourself off, start again, and learn from it! It gets easier day by day....but then there are those days that sink you to the bottom---(for me, I find that I am full of hot air and always float back to the top! LOL)
BIG HUGS
dharma
He probably knows he's playing on my sympathies. He knows I'm a genuinely kind person who takes phone calls in the middle of the night from friends in despair and provides legal representation almost for free to most of my clients. Can you say "softie!"
Thanks for your response! Love, Mo
Well, I'll tell you katie, when that e-mail or message or whatever your OMM's form of communication takes, brace yourself. No matter your resolve before you receive it, afterwards your judgment gets clouded. Why oh why do they retain so much leverage over our emotions? Of course, I'm sure my OMM is crying to his friends, why oh why am I so hung up on that #$%#@ (fill in the blank, I can only imagine what my OMM is calling me these days!!!!) Thanks for your response! Love, Mo