OMM called and I lost my mind!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
OMM called and I lost my mind!
4
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 12:22pm
He called Friday night/Saturday morning (take your pick) at about 3:00 a.m., probably drunk. That sets off all sorts of triggers for me. First, I didn't need to know he was sad and desperately missing me at 3:00 a.m. since I know what that means. He either needed to hear my voice to "finish the job" if you know what I mean, or was just desperate. Both make me feel like a horrible person. He also sent me a text message. None of his messages were understandable, which further suggests to me that he was drunk. The second trigger is that I'm an addict in recovery. I avoid speaking to drunks and people under the influence at all costs, and he knows that. It was disrespectful of my recovery, which I work very hard at.

Nonetheless, on Saturday a.m. I sent him a brief text message just asking if he was okay. I KNOW I shouldn't have done that since it will probably encourage him to contact me again the next time he's smashed and wants to "use" my voice. (I'm pretty sure it wasn't a booty call because we've never done that to each other). It was manipulative, because it made me really worry about his frame of mind. And of course, its keeping me from moving on and further away from him. He sent me text messages back that he desperately wanted to talk to me on Friday night on his way home (from who knows where?) at 3:00 a.m. but got "tongue-tied????" Back in my drinkin' days, we called that a herd of cattle stampeding your mouth. Anyway, he also said that he bets I miss his body and his charm, and announced that he was starting work with a personal trainer on Monday am. Persistent little bugger isn't he? And hitting right where it hurts, reminding me of his fantasticly beautiful body.

Well, I text messaged him back that I didn't want to waste anymore of his time or mess with his head so stop sending me bizarre messages. I did, however, also confide that there were nights when I desperately wanted to call him, too, but didn't.

UGH! Why do I lose control??? I'm very sorry today that I responded to his messages in any way, and I'm sure he believes I'm sitting in my office unable to work because I'm fixated on his personal training session. He happens to know which body parts are my favorite (I've got a real thing for huge biceps) and he'll no doubt text me to let me know how pumped up his are after this session. I SOOOOOO didn't want to encourage him. I let the guilt and feeling of responsibility cloud my judgment. It's just sooooo hard to know that someone you love is really struggling and refuse to do anything to help. At least it is for me.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 3:04pm
Aw, mom, sorry to hear it. I am dreading, dreading the email or phone call from xMM that I *know* is going to come before too long. When they are looking for a response, it is sooo hard to be strong.

Anyway, this guy sounds a bit egomaniacal -- tell him to get OVER himself and his biceps! ;-) Sounds like you had a nice weekend with the H. That's great!

Hang in there, be tough! Stop worrying about the OM's problems and take good care of yourself!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 3:16pm
Maureen, my friend, big hugs to you!!! Its is EXTREMELY hard to resist a message, nonetheless two. I do not think, necessarily, it was a bad call to respond to his contact, AS LONG as you know where your head is at!! Sometimes, because both persons are equally responsible for the affair, that depending on the circumstances, it is a "good" thing to respond IF your intent is true and it doesn't set you back. I know just in recent weeks I have asked exMM some legal questions, to which he kindly responded. There was no hidden agenda on my part, and he answered them straightforward and to the point. that was it. I know that if he ever had a problem that he thought I could help him with, I would probably consider aiding him (but to be honest, that is MOST unlikely).

Yes, it probably triggered some things for you, esp. in regards to your sobriety....try to use this to strengthen your resolve, not weaken it...and allow you to continue down his path. We all have moments of weakness...and times when we struggle to make sense out of our seemingly foolish past actions...and sometimes we break and reach out to those to try to give meaning or understanding to what has happened. Maybe this was what he was trying to do...or maybe it was more manipulative.

In any case, I read strength in your words....brush yourself off, start again, and learn from it! It gets easier day by day....but then there are those days that sink you to the bottom---(for me, I find that I am full of hot air and always float back to the top! LOL)

BIG HUGS

dharma

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 4:49pm
Hey Dharma: Thanks for your response. I feel so helpless to resist him when he's hurting, and I can only imagine how I would feel if I was drunk and so desperately lonely at 3:00 a.m. and I just can't hang someone I love out to dry like that. I do believe that he's truly heartbroken, but still in some level of denial that I'm going to really go thru with this. He still thinks I'll be back.

He probably knows he's playing on my sympathies. He knows I'm a genuinely kind person who takes phone calls in the middle of the night from friends in despair and provides legal representation almost for free to most of my clients. Can you say "softie!"

Thanks for your response! Love, Mo

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 4:52pm
That made me laugh! Get over himself and his biceps! Yes, he's an egomaniac where his looks and body are concerned. In fact, one of his desperate attempts to get me to stay with him when we broke up was to appeal to my sense of superficiality: "we are such a great looking couple! Everyone says so!"

Well, I'll tell you katie, when that e-mail or message or whatever your OMM's form of communication takes, brace yourself. No matter your resolve before you receive it, afterwards your judgment gets clouded. Why oh why do they retain so much leverage over our emotions? Of course, I'm sure my OMM is crying to his friends, why oh why am I so hung up on that #$%#@ (fill in the blank, I can only imagine what my OMM is calling me these days!!!!) Thanks for your response! Love, Mo

mo 7-18-10