Once a cheat always a cheat

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Once a cheat always a cheat
5
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 3:15pm
What do you all think about this philosophy? I have had NC for over 6 weeks now and am trying to work on my marriage. But this thought keeps going through my mind. I cheated once, will I do it again? Ugh. Just looking for opinions. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 4:24pm
I did, after swearing I wouldn't put myself thru that again, I went on to have another one. In fact, I started a thread titled "won't do it again, don't be so sure". It was posted under General, and by mistake under Single Om/Ow. You should look it up, there was alot of good stuff written on the subject. Check under both headings because there were many responses posted under both.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 5:31pm

namaste,

i believe its up to the person, people change, its all i can say, but i dont realy believe in that saying, jmho

take care,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 6:13pm

I believe it's up to the individual. People do have the ability to change, though it tends to be a rare occurance because changing one's views and behaviors can be very, very difficult.

I think cheating could be compared to "drinking" in very loose way, in that a lot of times people cheat to escape some reality of their marriage (just as an alcoholic may drink to escape). So if someone addresses the dynamics behind their behavior, with the true desire to overcome certain behaviors for their own benefit, change will happen.

However, if someone cheats just for the sheer thrill of it, and they really get a sense of satisfaction from adultery, and they see absolutely nothing wrong in committing adultery, then they probably would not change.

It's up to you to figure out "why" you cheated, and once you understand that, it's on you do something about it. Decide that getting something on the side is best for you; or you can try to "correct" your behavior.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 10:58pm

I disagree.


From my own personal experience I know this statement to be false for some people, myself included.


After living in affairs for 17 years I faced the issues I was using to give myself permission to participate in affairs as a method to avoid resolution.


Ending the affair way of life included ending my marriage as well as stopping any further cheating.


I believe cheating is a choice. You choose to start it and you choose to stop it. No one else chooses for you. It is a personal decision to start and stop.


cl-nre

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 11:08pm
I think if you don't want to do it, you won't. If you are truly happy in your R, then you wouldn't try and escape it by cheating. At least in my case, that is why I cheated. I wasn't happy in my R. Rather than facing that fact, I choose to ignore it and find my happiness elsewhere.
If you are in a truly happy, committed R and you are completely fulfilled, then I don't think you would want to cheat. At least I know I wouldn't.