One day of NC
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One day of NC
| Mon, 09-13-2004 - 2:01pm |
I did one full day of NC and I guess I'm proud but I have to confess, I have not deleted him from my buddy list or blocked his e-mail address. I'll delete him for a little while and then run back and add him back on. I've been watching him on the computer and yesterday he was on for over 2 1/2 hrs. He never surfs for that long, so I knew he was waiting to see if I would i.m. him and again this morning. I won't, but I will probably answer him if he i.m.'s me. Why can't I delete him and be done with this? I just don't seem to be able to make that final break and I really want him to miss me. I dont know if it's because I want to feel that our time together did mean something, even if not as much as I wanted it to, and wasn't totally wasted. I think about our long conversations and how much I'll miss them-my H. and I just do not talk to each other like that and I doubt we will. I know I can easily make a much longer list of all the things I won't miss. Why do we latch onto those few good parts and grieve their loss, instead of focusing on the reality of what we had? For those of you who are old pros at this-will the day really come when I'm able to delete him and mean it?
Signatures On
| Mon, 09-13-2004 - 2:42pm |
Just realize this: You will NEVER KNOW if he misses you. There is simply no way to really know that. You just have to trust that he will. And as an "old pro" I can practically guarantee it. But he can't miss you if you're still there! :)
| Mon, 09-13-2004 - 3:34pm |
I read the posts about emails and IM's and am glad that we don't do that. ITs bad enough I carry my cell phone around waiting for him to call me, at least it doesn't make my computer time into an obsession as well. This NC stuff is hard. Sometimes I think it makes me think about him even more...it truly is an addiction I guess, I feel like I just need a fix. Tried going out with my mother in law today, but it didn't help me get my mind off of him one bit. I have taken to not having my cell phone with me when I go for my walks etc...Especially since he said he wasn't go to call me until his wife went out of town on Thursday. I know, doesn't sound much like NC if he has said he'll call me, but I really don't think he will. THere have been other times he has said he would call and he didn't. UGH, I sound pathetic!! Well, hang in there...one day at a time I guess is the way for us to go...I'm on day 4, the longest I've gone is 7 days and then I was the one who broke down and called...determined not to do that this time around.
