One (hopefully) last setback...help me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
One (hopefully) last setback...help me?
9
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 7:23am

Hey Everyone...


Sorry I've been away for a few days. I've really missed you guys and your posts. Work, weather, and family obligations have kept me off the

Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:05am
Hi Lily,

First of all - here's a hug.

I'm glad that he finally told you the things you've been waiting so long to hear. I know that I'm waiting too. So that must have felt good.

If you really don't want to live like that (betraying your H) then all you can do is pick up the pieces and stop. You know that. We all know that, and we all know that it's easier said than done. But you CAN do it!

I don't think you made a fool of yourself - you got caught up in the moment. You're human. Forgive yourself and move on.

Figure out a new game plan and stick with it!

I'm rooting for you!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:12am
Lily

Remember that the Spider and the fly can naver be friends.

He has one use for you and one only and it is not friendship.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:51am
Lily: If there is one thing I have learned in life is that you can't change the past only the future. Don't beat yourself up about it. He knows what you wanted to hear. He wants you on the side. Therefore, he'll tell you what he needs to to get you where he wants you. (confusing, but hopefully you know what I mean)...You have been such an inspiration to me over the past few days (posie, free, all of you!!) You know what you need to do. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and see that you are worth so much more than that.

Chin high my friend...you CAN do this.

:) Frisco

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 8:56am
Lily,

I'm sorry about your setback. You're right, alcohol and control do not mix. Best bet is not to tip the sauce when at company fuctions, or better yet, avoid these fuctions altogether until you are much stronger. A dangling bone under the nose of a dog is irresistable...and your XMM smelled you a mile away. Next time "BARK" back and tell him to "Role over play dead" as you run for the nearest exit. :)

You'll be OK. It took me 3 tries to finally end my affair so I have no room to scold you.

~True~

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:40am
I swear, I am going to invent a little emoticon of a big boot kicking someone in the behind, for just this type of situation. ;-)

Just kidding, Lily, I know you are struggling. I still think you are on the right track. You know in your heart you can't continue this. Like True, it also took repeated attempts for MY affair to end, and ultimately it was a drastic event that ended it. Lucky for me, that drastic event did not involve hurting my H and my kids, but for many people, that's what it takes. Look at daf! Look at need2setl! I know you don't want things to end up like that, so my advice: be strong and end this on YOUR terms, before your world comes crashing down and innocent people get hurt. You love your H, you know you don't want to leave him, so what is the point of continuing down this dangerous path?

You can do it, I know you can!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 10:01am
Should I tell him it's over? For good?

Or should I just ignore him?

Thanks all of you, for your posts. I can't wait to feel like Lily again!

Love,

Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 10:37am
Hey Lily, I'm sorry about your setback. Every time I read the posts of all of you who work with or are in the same circle of friend's as your OM's, I don't know how you can stand having to see them all the time. I'm very fortunate-my OM. lives 40 miles away and I could probably live out the rest of my life and never once run into him (although that thought does freak me out a little sometimes). I have been lurking online under a different screen name, watching to see if he's looking for me. I wish I could just walk away cleanly, without looking back, but I want to know if he misses me. I don't want anything bad to happen to him (usually!) but I want him to suffer a little from not having me in his life anymore. Like you, there are things I want to hear him say but I don't understand my need for this. I know he's not the person for me; I know I can't and wont continue this so why do I still care. I feel like I just can't quite let go yet and I'm probably making things harder on myself. Was it worth it to hear him say those things or would you have been better off if you hadn't heard them?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 10:40am
Lily

I feel your pain. But mistakes happen (it sounds like you don't need to be convinced this was a mistake) and all you can do is try to make better choices in the future. I certainly wouldn't feel like a fool about it either. If you think about it, it's kind of an empowering way to end it actually....after he spilled his guts and told you everything you wanted to hear. I actually think he likely feels foolish by your apathetic responses to his e-mails.

I would wait until he contacts you again and then tell him the encounter was a mistake and that it is over for good. I wouldn't initiate contact with him to do this, however. Just my thoughts.

-Boomerangs

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 11:07am
Hey Lily!

I haven't read all of the replies yet and I haven't even read all of the new posts here - I'm in a rush - H is due home and mother-in-law from hell is asleep at the moment.

Pat yourself on the back for NOT slinking away from the board and confessing! That is awesome in itself - you are taking ownership of what happened.

Don't know if you should tell him it is over. With my MM it just makes him try harder. Can you tell your OM that you need him as a friend and as a TRUE friend you are asking him to NOT come onto you anymore? If he doesn't abide, well - you will see him for what he is. If he does, you can go back to working on your M and know OM respects that.

It is SOOOO hard when they say what we want to hear!! I feel like this is all part of the process and will be a learning experience!

Gotta run - more later.

e-mail me if you want at deinefreunde@gmx.at

-lazy