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This one is for **id**
| Wed, 03-02-2005 - 2:37pm |
Id
I have a question, did you post something somewhere that talked about how supressed you feel when in an A? I thought it was written by you. Can't remember but it was awesome and I would love to read it again. It described so well how I felt during the A and how stupid I was to think it was real. Real love real anything but stupid. I have learned lots even though to some it sounded like a "high school" romance. hehe Anyway, if it was you or if you know where it is then could you let me know. I need it to keep me going sometimes. I shouldn't need reminding of why or how things were so bad but there are days that I do. I'll never go back.
Thanks
LilRocket

~Lilrocket~
Are you talking about my "reduction" post? That's the only one I can think of.
Listen, I'm sorry about the high school remark I made, but when I see people talking about stalking....well, it reminds me of back in the day when my x-boyfriend used to hide in alley and wait for me to get off of the bus. When I walked by, He would rev his engine and then slowly follow me home, trying to scare the heck out of me. Sorry if it came across wrong. I was just trying to put that kind of stuff into perspective.
I was hurt at the time. I know what I did was wrong, I just couldn't imagine how he could just move on like that so I would go there to see if he had someone else there. Not that it would have mattered. Maybe it was about reduction, whatever it was it was good and I need to read it again. It brings everything into perspective so that I can stop remembering just the good things but all the feelings I felt that I hide or wouldn't admit to myself how I felt. I want to continue getting to a place of strength where you seem to be. I want to be able to see him and it not bother me at all.
Thanks
LilRocket
~Lilrocket~
<<>>
It took me months to get where I am at now. Sheer determination and refusing to fail myself (again) were the key ingredients
<>>
You are more than welcome. I know what you are going through. I see my XMM every workday, and the first few months after endind it were "He77 on Wheels". Stay strong sweetie. Stay focused on you work and don't give him an inch of your time.
Thanks so much again. I can feel that even after just a few days I am better. I stayed at home last week b/c I was "sick". Whatever, he upset me on Monday and I couldn't bear to be at work the rest of the week so I stayed home. Thursday, I emailed him practically begging him to come back to me. I feel that was my low point, rock bottom. That's when I came here.
I am so proud of myself because yesterday I barely said two words to him besides "hey" when I had to share an elevator before work with a great big nothing-wrong-with-me isn't-the-world-wonderful? smile. I know he was bothered, too. We only get two 15 min breaks and a 30 min lunch during the day. However, he's a smoker and he typically takes a 3rd unofficial break around the time of my second break. Lately, he has been avoiding that and going either before or after my breaktime. I go to my car to read during my breaks, and he came out there to his truck during MY break. He didn't have to do that. Of course, I just continued staring at my book like I didn't notice he was there, altho in reality I wasn't reading a word and could hardly breathe. Anyway, he was acting during the day that me not talking to him didn't matter, but that right there showed me that it did! ha! on him and yay for me! (ok, I feel 4yrs old now hehehe)
Oh, and I didn't cry even once!