One last 'habit' to break, need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
One last 'habit' to break, need help
11
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 10:57am

As you all know, getting over the A has alot to do with breaking certain habits you've come to make a part of your everyday existance. Well, I've gotten over the habit of the phone calls we had to each other during the workday, and I've gotten over not seeing him anymore for lunch, but there is one thing that I have been doing for a long time, and it's the one last thing I need to let go of.

Before I go into this last habit, let me say a few things first. I would say only 5% of our contact was on the phone, 5% in person, but 90% was carried out online. Now, I've lessened considerably the amount of time I chat with him online (complete NC hasn't been an option because the four of us are friends, and NC would cause suspicion). And as of yesterday, after another sarcastic remark by me, whereas he replied "same sh*t, bye", I sent him an email saying "I have too much resentment and it comes out whether I want it to or not, until I can overcome this, I will be staying away from the computer awhile". So I will be having NC until my own issues are resolved enough to be able to talk without smart remarks.

Anyway, here's the habit. I have a screenname that he doesn't know. I leave up my computer all day and all night, logged on under this name. By doing so, it tracks when he signs on and off. I've been doing this for years to monitor his comings and goings (I had other reasons for doing this, but that's a whole other story). Anyway, even though we've been broken up for several months, I continue to do this. I want to remove his screenname from that buddy list so I can no longer see when he's on and when he's not. But I can't seem to take that last step. The curiousity will drive me nuts, but going to my computer and seeing his name there, also drives me nuts because I always wonder who he's talking to.

Has anyone else done this type of 'tracking' or am I the only nut that is doing this. Also, if there are any words of wisdom for me to be rid of this last habit of mine, I think I will finally be free of the hold this man has on me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 12:22pm
i have done the lowest of low..my XOM is friends with my best friend...just not close friends..at all..so i would get online as her and chat with him..how ridiculous is that!!

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