one last time

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
one last time
31
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 9:20am
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 9:10am
I logged on this morning hoping to have an update from you. I know many of us, if faced with this situation, may have folded and met for that "one last time." We'd like to say that we wouldn't, but sometimes our egos get in the way... we need that one last time. I am so very proud of you for doing what I am not sure I could have done. WAY TO GO!
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 9:22am
Nice job, Alice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 10:59am

WOW!

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 5:04pm

OMGoddess I am so proud of you... you have my admiration and my totally respect! I can't believe what courage you found. Tomorrow is tomorrow --- you will do this. You CAN do this. YOU ARE DOING IT!!!!!

Here is a poem for you and all of us ...

Phenomenal Woman


Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

- Maya Angelou

I am gathering strength and resolve from you Alice. From YOU.

Amazing.

j.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 6:32pm
Jodi!
that is a lovely poem! Thank you for posting it.
xo
Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 8:31pm

That is a lovely poem! Made me smile, thank you!

That aside - congrats Alice! That took a lot of strength, and I'm not sure I could have resisted 'one last time'. I'm impressed, and It certainly gives me strength and hope! Again, 'grats! (hugs!)

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2010
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 1:23am

Oh, Alice I am so very proud of you. I know it was sooooooo incredibly hard Thurs eve and wanted to join in the group hug. You really helped me resist humiliating myself today and tonight. THANK YOU!

Misty

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 7:08am
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 8:21am

Alice,

It's going to be a rough ride for a while but you have to give it a chance. XMM contacting you already shows just how selfish this man really is. He isn't respecting your decision at all. When I ended my A, XMM gave me all the space I needed to heal AND we work together. We both grieved in silence, yet knew we had to comply with the new boundaries set in place if we were going to get past this.

You are only hurting yourself more by thinking now you have nothing to look forward to. Yes, you will feel despondent and lost for a while, but it will pass. You have to grieve your loss and let this self inflicted wound heal. Then you start working on yourself and finding ways to fill the void within you. You reach out to friends and family more, you find healthy outlets such as taking up a new hobby, joining a health club, volunteering, going back to school to learn something new, whatever it takes to keep busy and focused. Your A took your mind and heart away from RL. It was an escape from having to face reality. One cannot live forever in a fantasy world, my dear.

It's also time to start facing the truth of your past actions.This is the hard part because those A toxins will start to drain and you'll start feeling such things as guilt, anger, disgust, self loathing, etc. It's all part of the withdrawal process from the A drug, and we've all gone/are going through it. Think of it as being a cocaine addict and going cold turkey. You are going to suffer for a while before you start getting well again.

Your XMM will be experiencing all of these things too, but this journey is NOT about him any longer. It's ALL about you now and healing from the damage your A has caused. That pain you are feeling? It's not just from missing XMM and your daily fix. Your inner core has been slowly eroding over the duration of your A and will need time to repair itself.

Keep reading the Healing Library for strength and if possible, reach out to others who are suffering also. Getting outside of our own little pity party and helping others will speed up your recovery. Also, start a new thread if you have any questions or just need to vent. It's a new beginning for you.... so perhaps starting a new thread is in order.

((Hugs))

~ Iddy~

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 8:24am

Alice,


I know it hurts because it is so fresh and raw. No way to get around that. But please revel in your courage and strength and the knowledge that you are a HUGE inspiration to so many other women on this board. You can and will get through this day. Hugs.