You did great! whadda talkin'!! Very good job, Jilly, and I don't think many newbies at your stage would have done any better. I understand the stirring of of feelings, but aren't glad you have this board for support --- and know you know what you have to do to feel better, right? Oh, but I feel for you going through a hiccup like this. I know it hurts and is confusing. I hope that you're able to focus on YOU today, and not yesterday; you deserve to have a happy, proud and peaceful day and I hope you'll choose that over sadness and anxiety.
You did very well at the party and you should be very proud of yourself.
I’m sorry that seeing him has brought up a lot of unsettled feelings. We all have things that we did that we are not proud of when we decided to detour down the dark A alley.
However, that is in the past and as much as we wish we could change it, there is nothing we can do about the past. We can decide that we are not going to let those negative thoughts creep in and affect our present or our future.
Today is a new day Jilly. What are you going to do different today so that you feel better about yourself?
You’ve come a long way since you started your A. Hope you will acknowledge your progress. How did your first IC appt. go?
You wrote: << I made it a point to look really good last night and I hope he noticed. I want to ask him: Do you miss me? Did seeing me yesterday want you to want me one more time?>>
When our motivations are wrong then our expectations of a situation or person becomes wrong and then we are disappointed and let down when things don’t work out the way we were hoping. You should have looked good for you and not anyone else. You expected a reaction just like with the text message and when you got none you were hurt and disappointed. XAP does not deserve your time or attention. It might be helpful to look into why you were seeking the validation from him. Look at where and when these feelings originated in your life. These might be very good issues to bring up in IC.
Also you wrote: << If he called right now, I think I'd be weak and say yes, let's get together.>>
This appears to have been your motivation and the outcome you were expecting. It might be helpful to go back and rethink why you were trying to get this reaction from xAP. What do you need in your RL to feel better about yourself? Was there someone in your past that you felt you had to work for their attention or look or act a certain way to get their attention? So much of an A has to do with issues inside of us and very little to do with xAP as a person?
Much love and big hugs,
E1
Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Glad to hear you are doing better today and got through your first IC appt. Yeah you!
<>
That would be a great thing to figure out with the help of your T. When you figure out the whys, it helps you let go and also see the A for what it was.
<know...>>
Yes absolutely! Wear your one month NC proud. You earned it. For those that have legitimate LC situation as long as you follow the rules of LC, then you are staying in the boundaries of NC.
Big, big hugs,
E1
Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
"Looking into my past, my father was never an affectionate man so maybe it has to do with that? Here's the thing though: my hubby gives me a TON of attention and affection. I just don't get WHY I want THIS man. "
Because that man reminds you of your dad (either in looks or personality) He is unattainable unavailable to you emotionally just like your dad was. btdt, been attracted to men who physically resemble my dad. My H is the opposite of my dad... very affectionate, sweet and pays me attention.
Just wanted to add that you are not alone in dressing up and making sure you look great when you knew he would be there. It was a way of trying to gain some control over the situation for me. I wanted to show that I look great and
You did great! whadda talkin'!! Very good job, Jilly, and I don't think many newbies at your stage would have done any better. I understand the stirring of of feelings, but aren't glad you have this board for support --- and know you know what you have to do to feel better, right? Oh, but I feel for you going through a hiccup like this. I know it hurts and is confusing. I hope that you're able to focus on YOU today, and not yesterday; you deserve to have a happy, proud and peaceful day and I hope you'll choose that over sadness and anxiety.
Best,
Dee
Edited 2/25/2010 10:44 am ET by jilly1983
Hi Jilly,
You did very well at the party and you should be very proud of yourself.
I’m sorry that seeing him has brought up a lot of unsettled feelings. We all have things that we did that we are not proud of when we decided to detour down the dark A alley.
However, that is in the past and as much as we wish we could change it, there is nothing we can do about the past. We can decide that we are not going to let those negative thoughts creep in and affect our present or our future.
Today is a new day Jilly. What are you going to do different today so that you feel better about yourself?
You’ve come a long way since you started your A. Hope you will acknowledge your progress. How did your first IC appt. go?
You wrote: << I made it a point to look really good last night and I hope he noticed. I want to ask him: Do you miss me? Did seeing me yesterday want you to want me one more time?>>
When our motivations are wrong then our expectations of a situation or person becomes wrong and then we are disappointed and let down when things don’t work out the way we were hoping. You should have looked good for you and not anyone else. You expected a reaction just like with the text message and when you got none you were hurt and disappointed. XAP does not deserve your time or attention. It might be helpful to look into why you were seeking the validation from him. Look at where and when these feelings originated in your life. These might be very good issues to bring up in IC.
Also you wrote: << If he called right now, I think I'd be weak and say yes, let's get together.>>
This appears to have been your motivation and the outcome you were expecting. It might be helpful to go back and rethink why you were trying to get this reaction from xAP. What do you need in your RL to feel better about yourself? Was there someone in your past that you felt you had to work for their attention or look or act a certain way to get their attention? So much of an A has to do with issues inside of us and very little to do with xAP as a person?
Much love and big hugs,
E1
Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Edited 2/25/2010 10:45 am ET by jilly1983
Jilly,
Glad to hear you are doing better today and got through your first IC appt. Yeah you!
<>
That would be a great thing to figure out with the help of your T. When you figure out the whys, it helps you let go and also see the A for what it was.
< know...>>
Yes absolutely! Wear your one month NC proud. You earned it. For those that have legitimate LC situation as long as you follow the rules of LC, then you are staying in the boundaries of NC.
Big, big hugs,
E1
Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
"Looking into my past, my father was never an affectionate man so maybe it has to do with that? Here's the thing though: my hubby gives me a TON of attention and affection. I just don't get WHY I want THIS man. "
Because that man reminds you of your dad (either in looks or personality) He is unattainable unavailable to you emotionally just like your dad was. btdt, been attracted to men who physically resemble my dad. My H is the opposite of my dad... very affectionate, sweet and pays me attention.
Edited 2/25/2010 10:45 am ET by jilly1983
Just wanted to add that you are not alone in dressing up and making sure you look great when you knew he would be there. It was a way of trying to gain some control over the situation for me. I wanted to show that I look great and
Muddy Waters
Edited 2/25/2010 10:45 am ET by jilly1983