One month today

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
One month today
7
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 5:57pm

It is a month today since MM ended it. The first two weeks I was jsut a mess. then MM reaffimed that this was done. I went 11 days with NC. The we broke it last week. It has been 7 days NC today on his part. I have left him a vm and 2 text messages.

I thought after a month I would feel better but I feel worse. I hate this. I know we broke NC but this is ridiculous.

My H is away so I am left here alone with my thoughts. I am tired..I am sad and want to just cry and go to bed.

Please tell me this will get better.. it hurts to think anymore!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: capnmit
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 6:04pm

Cap

It will get better BUT you need to stop contacting him for that to happen.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
In reply to: capnmit
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 6:27pm

Bria-

HUGS...girl...hugs.

<<>>

First, clarify for me. Did he give you reasons for ending it? When NC ended, did you get together? How is your marriage?

Secondly, do not send him anymore vm or text him!!!!! It only leads to more emptiness when they are left unanswered. You are torturing yourself. I know....BTDT. I don't know when the pain will end for you/I, but I trust the other posters on this board that have been down this journey when they say...it will get better.

Today is day 1 of NC. I had to see him at work, but that usual uncomfortable feeling wasn't there. I was OK. I managed to get through it without feeling the need to cry a river. Sometime during the day, he left a post it on my desk that said.."just say you are sorry!" WTH. That made my resolve stronger. This jerk is wanting me to apologize to him for calling him out. Don't think so. It won't happen today...tomorrow...next week...next month. Not in my lifetime. I am more than positive he will call late tonight in a drunken state telling me he misses me and he's sorry for hurting me. I'll listen...but it's truly over for me this time. I'd be a fool to let this man continue to walk all over me.

Be strong, Bria. Keep busy or if you want to sleep...sleep. Do what you have to to get through the rest of the evening without calling him.

SS

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
In reply to: capnmit
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 9:08pm

MM ended it for all the right reasons. All the reasons that I would never be ever to be strong enough to live by. He knew it was too much for me. I wanted more (even though I never had any intentions on leaving my M). I was so worried that is I let my expectations done it would mean we were treating our A causally. I just pushed until I demanded too much and became too dependent.

I text messaged after 11 days and just said "hi". He responded in 2 min and called me that night. This was last Thurs. We talked for 40 min just about life. He is taking a leave of absence from work so we mainly talked about that. He then called me on Fri night but I hit ignore. That was it. I sent him a text on Tues just saying hi. Then a vm yesterday and a text today. I wont call or contact anymore this weekend. I just am SO tired of wondering why he did or didnt do soemhitng. I want to bale to accept this. I pray every night for the strength to accept this as over but I just cannot grasp it.

SO tonight I am hurt b/c of his NC. I am sad that I gave him all the control gain but in truth he could gladly have all the control if I could just get him out of my mind!!

My M was in a bad place when Mm and i started 2.5 yeras ago. It has improved but my H is a control freak and can be verbally abusive. I give way more, A or not, to my M. I dont feel like I neglect my H. I am loving and willing to be there any time he wants.

I havent figured out if it is better to have them still wanting you and you fighting it or if being rejected and it be out of your hands be better. I guess it all sux!

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
In reply to: capnmit
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 9:10pm

Free

I KNOW you are right. I cant belive that NC can and is so hard. For me it is a mindset and I have been all off since we spoke. I have to get stronger! I just thought it woudlnt be SO hard!

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: capnmit
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 10:28pm

Cap

Think of NO CONTACT like your would Buckley’s cough syrup or Cod liver oil, tasts like CRAP but it really works.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
In reply to: capnmit
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 5:46pm

Just checked in and read your message. :(
Hang in there sweetie! It WILL get better.

Email me! I was out most of last week with a yucky cold, but I'm around and I'm here for you. Sorry it's been a while.

Love, Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
In reply to: capnmit
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 9:53am


Hi Cap

I hope you are feeling a little better today. The only thing I can tell you that yes it is difficult keeping NC. But everytime you brake NC you only empower him and boost his ego a bit more by letting him know he has a hold on you. Is that what you want? If you kept NC for 11 days than you can do it for much more. You are headed in the right direction you just need to be stronger. I know it is difficult but you can do it. You have already proven to yourself by keeping NC for 11 days.

Hang in there sweety. It will get better....

Hugs
Ladybug