one more question!
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one more question!
| Sun, 11-14-2004 - 10:31pm |
I forgot to ask this question earlier. Since my xMM and I work together we have discussed just trying to remain friends. Is that realistically possible? I think we can do it with time, but am I just being stupid?

Hi Sad,
There is no right or wrong answer to your question. It is very individual from what I can see. Those that have, or can, will say yes. Those that haven't, or are unable will say no.
Think in terms of your feelings and whether you can treat him in a friendly
I am trying the friendship thing. It's hard. In fact, today I ate lunch in his office (door open, no hanky panky), but all he ever talks about is how he loves me and it gets me down. I just left. It's all I could do. I was having a good day and I am tired of him bringing tears to my eyes. I am a strong woman. But I understand what you said about you and your xMM trying to be friends but really not relating anymore. My xMM and I went from having not enough time to talk to watching the clock tick. It's like we don't think anymore. You seem like another positive person and I thank you for that vibe I get. Someone else scolded me for trying to take the positives out of the bad situation. For instance, he has helped me advance my career but allowing me to use equipment that others aren't allowed at work. Our workplace is very techincal and some is off limits. I think that is positive! So are you officially done with your xMM, or is there another reason you still post?
Sad
SBH,
My best friend was involved with her boss for many years. He is married, she wasn't. He also helped her pursue her interests by buying her a computer, digital cameras, software, and all kinds of stuff to promote her interest in graphic arts. They also had a very deep friendship BEFORE they crossed the line, and she had considered him intelligent, thought-provoking and one of a kind. Finally, after several years of the affair ups and downs, and listening to my preaching that she deserved better than this, she ended her office romance. He was never going to leave his wife, and had told her that right from the beginning.
She struggled endlessly with staying at that company, and finally concluded that she wasn't going to give up her tenure and benefits, and made the decision to continue working there even though the affair was over. Strong feelings lingered between the two of them for some time, butshe set boundaries which included NO discussion of feelings, the affair, what was or could still be, the wife, etc. He finally got the message and backed off, BUT he still wanted the friendship and told her as much. Today (although it took 4 months from ending it), they are laughing and talking again, like the good old friends they used to be, and she is NOW dating a new guy who gives her what she had wanted/needed all along.
Just thought I would pass this along for those of you who work with their ex's and wonder if the pain will ever stop and if the friendship can be revived to where it once was. It can be done but boundaries must be set, and respect for one another must become #1 priority because that was certainly stomped upon when having the affair. Intruding on one's marriage is VERY disrespectful, don't you agree? JMHO.
Peace,
Sunny