One more thing regarding that letter

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
One more thing regarding that letter
4
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 6:03pm

(1st, want to say hello Free, good to hear from you!)

My sister (who was almost as involved in this x-affair as I was), brought up a good point about my letter to my (X) friend. I have a feeling when she gets the letter, it's going to trigger her to want to talk to me, ie: ask questions. I feel that I owe her any answers to questions that have been kept unanswered for her. However, I know one of the questions will be "did it really end when he said it did?" and the other " when is the last time he's contacted you?" Now since both the answers are not what she is gonna want to hear, do I tell her the truth anyway? (getting him in trouble of course, which I really don't care about) or do I continue to let her believe it really DID end wehn she thought, and that I've had no recent contact with him, to spare her any further hurt? I want to go into this doing the right thing. I don't want to lie to her anymore, but I definately don't want to hurt her either.

TIA,
Pal

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 6:35pm
It doesn't sound easy. It sounds like you will be making more trouble for the marriage if you start giving her answers that are going to conflict with his answers. I'm really not so sure about this because while I believe you want to reconnect with this friend, I see it as a double edged sword. You were part of the affair yet now you're going to offer her information against him, seems harsh. I just don't know what the right thing is. If they are truly working at a marriage, does it do any good for you to add that input? I'm not so sure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 8:16pm

Pal

Greetings.

I think if your going to agree to have such a meeting and talk that you had better go into it prepared to be honest otherwise don't agree, she may know the answers to some of the questions she asks and could catch you in a LIE.

If you do have such a conversation In my opinion it should be a one time event tell her to prepare he questions in advance ask them one time and then your done.

XMM is not helping his marriage lieing to his wife he is only helping himself more of the same thing for mister one ball.

Good Luck what ever you do.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 9:07pm

<<>>

Wow Free, You DO remember me!!! :)(Mr. one ball.....he hasn't changed any!) THanks for the advice. (you too, Lea!) I guess I'm hoping she decides not to question me. I honestly don't think he cares one way or another if his marriage works out. He's definately not "working" on it because he is still disrespecting her by trying to contact me about once a week or so. (That hasn't changed either!) He's such a cakeater!!! I definately don't want to make things worse for her, and if she assumes everything is fine at home and that he's trying, I guess it would suck for her to know the real truth. Maybe I could tell her I'd prefer to put it all behind me and not get into the question/answers? I don't know! I guess we'll see what happens after she gets the letter. Thanks for trying to help guys!!

Pal

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 7:16pm
You should ABSOLUTELY tell her the truth.
Sanguine