One more thought on nostalgia

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
One more thought on nostalgia
4
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 1:56pm

There have been some great posts today. Lots of honesty, emotion and great humor. My xMM was fond of telling how many times he imagined me when he did his “solo performances” in the shower. I guess I was supposed to be impressed!

But there is one real thing I learned from this A.

At one time I was ready to give up my H and M for my xMM. I was caught up in the excitement and frenzy of our attraction. He was it, the one, my perfect fit, it was destiny. I delivered my speech in his car one night after work. I picked him, he was the one I wanted. Let’s take the plunge and realize our potential as a couple. He chose his wife.

Not only was I crushed, but I was humiliated and appalled that I was so ready to give it all away for someone who did not feel the same. I picked myself up, turned around and there was my husband. He still loves me, he picked me, he was the one who wanted to be with me.

I have never felt so ashamed. I almost lost everything that truly mattered. All of the sudden, the emotions, excitement, nostalgia -- everything involved with my A -- were insignificant.

I admittedly have relapsed into old ways now and then. I have broken my NC and started it again. I still have my moments when I want him back, I want to hear his voice and see his face. I swear I can remember exactly how he tastes and smells.

But I’ve also realized what’s important, and recommitted myself to my marriage and fixing myself so I’ll never jeopardize it again. I hold on to those emotions to keep me strong.

Stay strong with me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 2:18pm

(((((SHEL)))))

Loved this post! I hope all of you married ladies take this to heart!

~True~

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 3:04pm

shel -

Let's toast to 'never jeopardizing our marriages again!'

Here's to STAYING STRONG!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 3:37pm

I was in the same boat Shel...and he picked his W (and newborn kid).

Thank goodness it ended before my M was past the point where it could be saved.

Yes, I miss exMM daily. But I know the right thing happened in the end. And as I reflect more on exMM, I realize how many of his faults I overlooked that I could never have lived with long-term even if he'd picked me...so if he had, I doubt we would've lasted very long anyway.

Reality's a bitch...but it can save you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 10:09am
What a great post!! You're absolutely right - for some reason, many of our spouses stay there ready and willing to pick up the pieces and move forward. That's not only a blessing to us, but real, true love. These BS know what we're all about and have been hurt by our own selfish actions, yet stay committed. And yes, this is an excellent way to nip nostalgia in the bud. It's a drug, I tell ya. That thrill in the pit of your stomach when you see the OM is intoxicating. Let's just all remember where it brought us and who we hurt in the process before we start chasing it again. Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10