One night stands harmless?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
One night stands harmless?
1
Sun, 07-03-2005 - 2:55am
I had one with a married coworker about six months ago. He'd been flirting with me for months before anything had happened. I always had a little crush on him, but I tried to do the right thing by blowing him off, but I couldn't help myself. I turned him down the first time he seriously asked me to sleep with him. He's sixteen years older than I am, very intelligent and handsome. I never thought somebody like him would ever pay any attention to me. We were both at a co-workers party in late november. I was drunk and ended up going to a motel with him. When we both went back to work, I was the one flipping out and avoiding him, he acted like everything was hunky dory. Then he started ignoring me, so I started doing the same thing, gladly. That really seemed to get to him, so he started talking to me more. I was glad everything seemed cool. Then he starts ignoring me again, and giving me the evil eye when I would talk to other men. I am SO sick of this. He's a jerk, a user (Yes, I know I let him use me) and he cheated on his wife. But there's a part of me that feels so in love with him, and I can't forget that night I spent with him. I had only been with one man sexually before him, and sex was never so good for me until that night. (I hope I'm not getting too personal. If I am, I'm sorry) I'm not going to pursue him. I already feel ashamed for helping him cheat on his wife, somebody who I don't know and never had a problem with. How does everyone around here cope with the feeling of wanting something you can never have? Would I be a coward to look for a different job?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sun, 07-03-2005 - 5:01am

Feelingfoolsih:
You are not in love with this guy...infatuation at best. It wouldn't be such a bad idea to get another job elsewhere especially if you are struggling with this after just a one-night-stand kind of situation. Go out and explore life, keep your love life out of your workplace (never a good idea) and live a little. You need a lot of perspective. Someday you will look back at this and realize its just a blip on your radar and you will wonder why you felt so heavy for someone who was just bad decision on your part.

you are in some serious need of the Experience of Life for perspective. Love is not having sex with someone or just admiring them. Its an interaction with someone and finding out who they are and *admiring* them for the good person they are in and out of the sack, honoring them, and wanting to nurture that. Not how someone makes you feel because "they" give you attention, because you caught the attention of someone outside of your normal relm, who screws around on their wife/husband, who plays head games, who doesn't know you or appreciate you on the inside. You need to get know the different emotions, or the lack thereof, and experience (and i am not just talking sex) of interacting with others, dating, being aware OF WHO YOU ARE, and WHAT YOU accept or are attracted to etc.

Drunk screwing does not a relationship make. Lust? ok. Now youve found that you do have a lil integrity that you feel for yourself. If you want to keep honoring that, don't give this guy a second thought. You are a mark to him. there is no future in this deal. Go find someone who can truly honor you.
Lizzie