One thing if like some feed back on

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
One thing if like some feed back on
4
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 1:11pm
Ok so I dont even know how to say this it sounds so bad.... I dont have guilt about his w I would go so far as to say I dislike her immensely and the only reason I could have for that is cuz she has what I "want" now that being said my answer now is I dont want him, what does she have she has
1 a lying deceitful husband
2 a man that will make love to her a few hrs after hes been with me w/o a shower
3 a man who will bring ow into her bed, van, camper, hot tub w/o even second guessing himself
4 need I go on it's just more of the same

All these years I've spent hating her feeling like she is where I belong never once have I felt sorry for her and really in the grand scheme of things she has it far worse than I so why dont I feel sorry for her will that come? I know this sounds awful but I can't bottle things I'm trying so hard to understand. I'm not a terrible person by nature.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 1:58pm
I think I get what you're asking - if you are asking if you will get to a point where you will "feel" bad for your part in the A in regards to the W -

here is my two cents.
Many of us initially dislike the W because they are not "there" for the xMM or xAP - at least that is what they tell us. Sometimes in the course of our R with the X - we see behaviors on the part of the W that make the behavior seem justified even - so we excuse our bad behavior as okay because of the "abuse, neglect and absence" of the W.

Give it time - you WILL get to a point when you feel ashamed and sorry for how you treated her.

Part of the process in healing is dealing with personal needs and validation issues (approval, applause, and attention) and with that comes an accountability for our behaviors in the A. It will hurt badly. I do not think it will be for a time yet for you since you just ended, but it WILL come. For some people, this sorrow comes quickly as the fog lifts and clarity sinks in, and others it takes years.

I would stop worrying about the W and the X - and focus on you - why you are ending, identifying why you had the A, and how you are going to move forward.

Much love,
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 2:08pm
I'm ending cuz I want to be happy and actually live my life I'm ashamed to say I dont know where I have been for the last five yrs but it hasn't really been with my family... How sad that this is all my son has ever known for a mom (he was 6 mo old when it started)

It also breaks my heart that when my son was a year old I had all plans to begin trying for #3 and didnt cuz of a and now it's prob to late cuz I'm almost 40 and by the time I straighten out all this well to late
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 2:45pm

You will find that as you grow from the place you are now into your new, healthier place, you will discover all sorts of feelings and attitudes that you didn't know you had.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 02-16-2011 - 12:29am

Yes, I reiterate what Dee had to say.

I think as you move from your fog, delusion, ego, rejection and anger....

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010