One thing to the next....
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One thing to the next....
| Tue, 12-29-2009 - 3:47pm |
Hi All,
I need a bit of advice and although I could post on another board for this, I really thought it best to post here since you already know my story (as the ex-AP may be a part of it subconsciously)...
Since my A officially ended, H and I have been trying to work things out.

Mickey,
Not sure if this is any consolation, but you sound just like me and my H..except he isn't pushy about sex that often. He's not too pushy at all. But the rest of it..oh man..same deal over here. I feel like i'm dealing with a child sometimes!
I've also cried after sex with H but that was a long time ago..and when i was so into my xAP. It was such an awful feeling..Don't want to get back there again.
Hang in there. SEx is a weird thing. If we don't want it, and someone pushes us, we want it even less than before.. Don't do it if you don't want to. It means your mind/body is telling you YOU DONT WANT IT. Maybe it will pass. But don't force yourself. It will only make things worse.
Hugs,
Sunshine
.
Sunshine
.
Hi Mickey,
I guess I need more information of your affair...like was your affair physical or emotional?
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N
Hey mickey...man, can I relate...I dived headfirst back into my marriage halfway through my (short lived) affair because I knew I was staying with my h. With the exception of procreation, we rarely had sex (married almost 10 years)...and I'm talking MAYBE twice a year...and we're in our 30s. My a was emotional (teensy bit of physical) but it was with a boyfriend from many moons ago with whom I had incredible sex.
Even so...yeah...the sex thing with my hubby is a hard thing to "jump back into," but I've done it, for the sake of saving my m. I've been having an incredibly difficult time juggling working on my m/having sex with h all while "mourning" the loss of my xap.
Since I've catapulted myself back with my hubby, his appetite is definitely there. Before the a, he would NEVER ask or try anything but since I've opened myself up to him fully, he's definitely working it, but not to the point of annoyance like you're getting.
And...the childish stuff....that's part of where we went wrong....I told him I wanted to be married to a man, not a little kid, where everything (including sex/talking about sex) was something he giggled about (figuratively speaking)...boy, has he stepped up to the plate and is a MAN now...who treats me like a woman. We were just little kids playing house before. Do you think that is part of your problem? I literally told him, "Be a man. Make me feel like a woman." Do you think if you just talked to your hubby about growing up, it would help? It has made a WORLD of difference and I actually look forward to being intimate with my h when before I just dreaded it...and....I actually feel like doing it...which is a very new phenomenon in my r with my h...sad it has taken 10 years and a to get here, but it's the way it is.
Still, I'm still pining for my xap while still working on my m. It hurts and is a very odd, Twilight Zone-ish place to be, but I'm doing it anyway. I hope you work things out with you h and get to a place where you're both happy. I'm living proof....
That being said, don't think I won't be back posting about how I miss my xap and how I have to fight to not break nc, etc, etc, etc!!!!! I'm still a work in progress!! Good luck to you!
Hi Lost,
My A started out emotional (no sex for a year and a half or so) and then turned physical as well.
HI Free,
I've been w/H for almost 12 years now.
For what it's worth, and I don't mean to minimize your aggravation, I think being agitated even moreso with H's personality is a by-product of the A, and ending the A only magnifies it. Or at least I've noticed that in my own situation. I remember your story, Mickey, so I know it hasn't been over long. I'm not saying you'll be any less irritated by H's "ways", but in time maybe it will get better. Like my T said to me "Something brought you 2 together way back when." -- I was having trouble seeing H's value in my scheme of things.
I told my T that I knew I had to grieve loss of A first... I know how difficult it seems to plug back into the M during that process. I'm living it, too :) My H, however, is good at giving me space, and for that, I'm thankful.
Give it some time. I read somewhere re: coming out of an affair (on either side of the M, OW or BS) NOT to make any rash decisions re: leaving M (abuse aside) for at least 3 months. Suposedly in that time things will become clearer and more rational decisions can be made.
Hang in there :)
Hey there...I agree with Hard...your extra irritation
HI Free & Hard,
Thanks for replying.