One Year Post!
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| Fri, 12-03-2004 - 3:36pm |
I came here today to post my 1-year post-A celebration post. But got a bit distracted by the whole "Affair Board" thread, and probably posted something I shouldn't have... Sorry about that, it clearly hit a nerve with me, but if anything, it indicates just how much my whole attitude and my outlook have changed in the past year! I used to be so blind about everything outside of "me!me!me!" I think I have grown up a lot, and as "happy" as I thought I was in the A -- well, I like the person I am NOW a whole lot more.
I have learned SO MUCH from this board. I didn't find it until I had been wandering around for 3 months with absolutely NO CLUE how to get over this A. I just didn't want to accept that I could no longer be friends with this person to whom I had become unbelievably close over the span of 5 years. This is where I learned that NO CONTACT was definitely the only way I had any hope of ever letting go and moving on. This is what I learned that I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms to a very real addiction -- but that there was hope for me!!
I can't say I'm the person I was before the A; I'll never be. And I still have the occasional "issues," just ask my pal Dipss who recently talked me out of doing something dumb to avoid having to see the XOM at an upcoming wedding that I've been dreading! And sure, I still wonder occasionally if he ever thinks of me, and how he is doing... But it is in the fond way you think of an old boyfriend, NOT in the obsessive, all-consuming way that haunted me for months after the A ended.... So for those of you who are at the beginning of this process, know that it really, truly does get better with patience and time and effort and especially, NO CONTACT!!!!!
Hugs to all of you, thanks for being here.
K.

Grats on one year Katie! :)
And thanks for your insight and support.
*hugs*
Someday
I tried the contact before..."friends"..did not work...I did not want to be buddies with this guy, still don't... I wanted a lover, not a friend.
*nods* I agree Mandy, I tried like he** to be a friend to my OM. I suppose I was attempting to appease my guilt. (selfish?)
Anyway the greatest gift I could have given myself was the day I blocked his emails and IM's. There was no looking back, no sitting waiting for a message, no checking my email 10 times a day, it was done. What a relief!
NC 4tw!
Jazzdiva
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I think just being patient with myself and sticking with No Contact was really the key. I made a lot of small changes in my life, embraced my friendships and my family. Reading and posting here almost daily for months was important to me; it helped me to understand that this relationship that I believed to be SO special and SO unique and wonderful was really nothing different than your average affair!!! That was a real eye-opener to me! I was so naive when I got into this A!!!!!
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Yes, I am married and my H is SO wonderful. He loves me more than I deserve to be loved, and puts me on a pedestal I don't deserve to be on. As anyone here will tell you, you have to look into the things in your M and in yourself that led you to have an A, and that has been a tough one for me. I don't intend to get too into that now, but I did do that soul-searching and I think I have discovered the underlying "problems," some of which do not even exist anymore -- considering this thing started 6 years ago...
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The wedding is next month, and I am hoping with all that I have in me that he will not be there. I seriously do not want to ever see him again, not because I hate him or anything, but mostly because I want him to be in my PAST; I want to forget about that whole chapter of my life.
What is HE up to? Well, the reason our A finally ended -- after YEARS of my trying to end it but always caving -- was that he discovered his wife having her 2nd affair and he had to either commit to making his marriage work, or divorce her and make a new life for himself -- neither of which he could do with integrity if he was still having an A with me; he did ask me to leave my H to be with him, but that was not something I was willing to do. So now he is with his wife, and I sincerely hope he is happy there.