Only 2.5 more days to post...So???

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Only 2.5 more days to post...So???
16
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 11:04am

So, let's use this limited time productively.



Here are some questions you can all answer, and feel free to ask a few that hopefully will be answered

   ~Iddy~ 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 12:06pm

Great post Iddy! I like it! J



How has EAS helped you and how did you find it?



EAS has helped me soooooo-sooo much, helps to know I am not alone, helps me to know there is a place I can go to talk things out, to share even the smallest thoughts or if I just need some tough-love if I happened to be getting tempted or sappy!! I found it long ago by doing a general search on emotional affairs.



How long did you read/lurk here before you started posting?



I was on the MAS board for ever it seemed, didn’t take me long to post on that one or this one when I found it.



Who has found a cyber buddy offline, and has this been helping you?



I have found 3 great friends!!



How often are you able to read and post? (easier during the day or night)?



Not at night, I am home with my family, it is much easier throughout the day!



PLease comment on what has been the hardest obstacle to overcome with your ending.



I would have to say the small things, the little everyday things of us chatting, his making me laugh, his being a smart-a$$ to me, just the small things that are now no more. Having to work together daily is what makes that so hard but I’m also starting to realize it becomes the 2nd norm.



And finally, who

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 12:18pm

How has EAS helped you and how did you find it?

I found EAS by typing "how to end an affair" in google. EAS has helped me by giving me a safe place to crumble into a sniffling heap - by giving me a forum to bring deepest darkest secrets and worst-self out into the light for examination - by giving me the opportunity to learn from those who have gone before me and not making me rely on bad advice and opinions of people in my RL - and mostly by holding me accountable for my thoughts and behaviors in an environment that doesn't tolerate BS and is ever-encouraging.

How long did you read/lurk here before you started posting?

Ten minutes.

Who has found a cyber buddy offline, and has this been helping you?

YES! I reached out to the two people I admire most on this board and they were there for me fully.

How often are you able to read and post? (easier during the day or night)?

I might be a little obsessed, idk, but I check EAS every morning with my ciggie and coffee in hand (that is when I do most of my posting) - I check it at least twice while at work - and I check it, usually, after I put the kids to bed. I totally substituted what was my computer time with xAP for time on EAS. If I don't read daily, I feel overwhelmed catching up.

Who is now a Tweener? For how long? (And BTW, YAY YOU!)

I have been a Tweener for 8 months. I'll be a vet on or about Nov 4th.

Who will be celebrating a year out by the end of the year/or beginning next year?

I will! Nov 4th 2009 - the last day of my A.

PLease comment on what has been the hardest obstacle to overcome with your ending.

The hardest obstacle to overcome has been my addiction to the drama of life in an A. Learning to choose peace and tranquility over life-distracting turmoil seems like a no-brainer, but it's been hard for me.

And finally, who can honestly say that having an A was the worst personal choice they ever made.

Without a doubt, my choice to have an A is the most destructive and hurtful thing I've ever done to myself or to others. Of all the f'd up things I've done in my life, this is the pinnacle of stupidity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 12:40pm

<<<>>>

I googled "help ending an affair". EAS provided me with a support system that was nonexistent in my life. I don't talk to anyone about my A, so I had no one to guide me, confide in, hold me accountable, etc.

<<<>>>

Like Dee, about 10 minutes! I wanted in right away!

<<>>

I love my cyber buddies - and I'm very grateful for them. It's helpful to be able to "talk" individually.

<<>>

Because I'm single and self employed, I can pretty much be on all the time. It's harder when I'm home - 2 teenagers that need the computer for homework, and in my daughter's case - FB. :)

<<>>

ME! I'm 6 days old. :)

<<<>>

I think the hardest obstacle has been loneliness and abandonment issues - in addition to rebuilding self esteem. I have a way to go before I'm ready to let another man in my life.

<<>>>

I often wonder what my life would look like right now had I not gotten involved with XAP. It was definitely a very, very bad choice, but a lot of personal growth has come because of it.

Bodhi

PS - I am able to check email quite often so anyone needing to add me to their "Emergency Contact List" during our down time is welcome! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 12:45pm

Dee~



<



Ten minutes.>>



LOL. "Good answer" like they say on "Family Feud." :)



<



I will! Nov 4th 2009 - the last day of my A.>>



Just marked this one on my calender. I am going to have to find some kind of

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 1:08pm

<<>>

I have an idea - I'll whip it up and email you :) Being a graphic designer comes in handy sometimes!

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 1:12pm
Excellent. I will look for it.



   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 1:42pm
Oh, soooo cool! I can't wait to see it.
I was just looking at wwI and wwII Victory Medals - gold with wings - but I'm no graphic designer! Yeah, Bodhi!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 1:47pm

Ha Ha - this is more Olympic-like. Bruce Jenner will have nothing on you. Except maybe a bunch of clones with smoky eyeliner....

Back to Iddy's original programming......

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 6:43pm

1) How has EAS helped you and how did you find it?

I've been on IV before, a different message board and totally not related to A's. I recall seeing the A related boards in the past, so when I got myself into this hot mess I remembered and came here for support/learning - and that's how it has helped. I've gotten so much perspective and understanding here, it's been a safe place to vet, reflect, learn and share my 'ah-ha!' moments; as well as the 'd'oh!' ones!

2) How long did you read/lurk here before you started posting?

Hmmm, lets see. Once things ended/had to end, there was no lurkinig. I jumped right in. Before that though, I came here and read the 'enough' list...back in October of last year when I initiated semi-NC. By that I mean, I pulled the 'sort yourself out/make a decision and I'm going to lay low until then'. Of course, because it wasn't a true ending, keeping NC never lasted more than two days and I/we fell into 'well, I'll stick around while you decide'. Barf!

3) Who has found a cyber buddy offline, and has this been helping you?

Indeed I have! It has helped me tremendously. It's good to have someone that you can get really deep with, since some of us (for good reason) are hesitant to share everything out in public here for fear of being 'found out' or recognized. This board is for endings and having someone off board helped when I was back in limbo and wanted/needed out again (but wasn't out, so didn't feel quite right posting here). To sum up, along with this board/all it's members - it's been a lifesaver!

4) How often are you able to read and post? (easier during the day or night)?

I read in the mornings usually, with my coffee. Some days are better than others for posting, sometimes I feel like I'm always writing (being a grad student and all) and so posting is less frequent in times like that. But, since I am a student I have pretty 'free' access and time to read/post, though if I get too absorbed I feel like I need a break every now and again.

5) Who is now a Tweener? For how long? (And BTW, YAY YOU!)

Not I, at least not yet anyway! A Tweener is what, 3 months out? I'm almost two months out, so I've got awhile to go yet. But, I will get there! I do want to say congrats to all of those who do have their wings though!

6) Who will be celebrating a year out by the end of the year/or beginning next year?

I'm still fairly fresh out, so won't be hitting the year mark until next August. I'll get there though, and wear the grand-poobah hat with pride ;)

7) Please comment on what has been the hardest obstacle to overcome with your ending.

Like many, it's the loneliness. Grad school is hard work, and unlike many here (here at school, not here at EAS) I don't have any connections in this area of the province. I have good friends, but no family close by, no SO - and it can be hard/lonely to slog through this without those deep connections. My friends make a world of difference to be sure, but I think having family support really does help. Also, because of some other things I often feel left out/disconnected from my colleagues. Sometimes this can manifest in feeling as though 'I don't belong' on a fundamental level as a person. Never a fun feeling! I have to move towards accepting 'me as me', and that I do belong even if I feel a bit lonely sometimes. When I met xAP, I felt as though there was something that eased that loneliness/feeling like I didn't belong...but, that of course was only temporary and being involved in the A just made me more lonely and lonely in different ways! I struggled with the 'something is better than nothing' mindset for awhile, that really help keep me stuck. I am past that now though, or at least, past it enough that I'd rather choke on a handful of staples than get back in the A hellfire and settle for crap/crumbs.

8) And finally, who can honestly say that having an A was the worst personal choice they ever made.

Heh, I used to joke that 'grad school was a bad choice/grad students are good people, they just make bad life decisions'. But in all seriousness, yes, it is the worst personal choice I've ever made. Beyond stupid. However, rather than wallow in/focus on what an idiot I had been, I'm choosing to learn from it and move on.

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

Walk n' Block. Total NC 08-13-10

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 6:44pm

How long did you read/lurk here before you started posting?

*** within a day. I found the site, read for a day or so to get the lingo down, and then dove right in. I am sad to say that I found MAS much earlier than EAS; therefore, read there first and never went looking for more. Although I can completely appreciate the space that it provides people living in an affair, without having found EAS, I was continuing to feed my addiction with others equally unable/unwilling to see a way out. However, I also believe had I been looking harder, I would have found what I needed earlier.

Who has found a cyber buddy offline, and has this been helping you?

I have 2 consistent cyber buddies, and two more who have been there for me in a flash. Without a single doubt, wcf helped me help save myself. SLoJ has more recently become a cyber buddy of tremendous significance. To be honest though, everyone here has been helping me – even those who have never posted to me directly.

How often are you able to read and post? (easier during the day or night)?

I read throughout the entire day. It is the first thing I read in the morning and the last thing I read in the evening (I know, I know).

Who is now a Tweener? For how long? (And BTW, YAY YOU!)

I am!!! I received my wings while in Paris, France this past July.

PLease comment on what has been the hardest obstacle to overcome with your ending.

I think the hardest obstacle initially was my own fogged in thinking and denial. I thought I was different and I believed his words over his actions. I broke NC and responded to his initial fishing attempts. Distancing myself from him was very difficult as it meant ending a contract I loved and benefitted from professionally. I have given up mutual friends, and there are many events that I choose not to attend because he will be there. Facing the consequences of my actions has also been difficult, although not a challenge. I am ready to face what I have done, to take accountability for the hurt I have caused all those I dragged into this affair. I want to be accountable and demonstrate through actions that I am choosing to make better choices and to make reparations for what I have done.

And finally, who can honestly say that having an A was the worst personal choice they ever made.

Worst personal choice ever because never before had my personal actions so harmed others that I loved, and others who trusted me with their friendship. This was a personal choice that impacted whole networks of people. I can live with the impacts on me, I am will spend a very long time forgiving myself for the hurt I have caused to his family and my own.

TU.

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