Only 2.5 more days to post...So???

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Only 2.5 more days to post...So???
16
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 11:04am

So, let's use this limited time productively.



Here are some questions you can all answer, and feel free to ask a few that hopefully will be answered

   ~Iddy~ 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 8:34pm

How has EAS helped you and how did you find it?
I was originally an MAS poster - and realized as my A was ending that I needed to move - EAS has made me realize the truth in my A - that I was NOT unique, that my screwup doesn't have to define me, that I am worthy of healthy love and has given me the backbone to overcome those weak moments when the fog rolls in. I've realized how much I seek approval through love relationships and it's something I am working on. EAS has become a source of great healing and strengthening for my weak "love muscles" lol - I think mostly EAS has helped me realize that I am still a good person who made some bad choices...

How long did you read/lurk here before you started posting?
I read here for about a month before I actually moved in - and I'm still unpacking the stinking moving boxes!

Who has found a cyber buddy offline, and has this been helping you?
I'm open to gaining a few!

How often are you able to read and post? (easier during the day or night)?
I usually read first thing in the morning and then on and off all day - since I'm on my own at home, I read here too - and it's a good thing because it seems like nighttime is sometimes the worst.

Who is now a Tweener? For how long? (And BTW, YAY YOU!)
Not me yet - tho I'm getting there. Let's see - I think my 3 months is Nov. 10?

Who will be celebrating a year out by the end of the year/or beginning next year? Next year!

PLease comment on what has been the hardest obstacle to overcome with your ending.
For me I would have to say that the hardest obstacles to overcome were my own need for the emo tank fill, approval, and need to take care of him. We're our own worst enemy. Walking away, changing numbers, blocking texts wasn't that hard in the moment - it's all the moments since then that I have to keep a tight reign on myself - to not give in to weak moments. Forgiving myself. Learning to accept who I am - and know that I am a good person.

And finally, who can honestly say that having an A was the worst personal choice they ever made. (Raising my hand ;-) Me ME ME - (hopping up and down waving hand wildly) And also the thing I most regret on the planet!






Edited 9/29/2010 8:41 pm ET by mynameislolly
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2010
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 3:57am

How has EAS helped you and how did you find it?



Like other stories around here I read and posted on MAS while simultaneously lurking and reading here. Initially found ivillage b/c I was searching for someplace I could talk about the A.



How long did you read/lurk here before you started posting?



I read/lurked for almost a year. Mid October of last year I started reading the forums here.



Who has found a cyber buddy offline, and has this been helping you?



I have not found a cyber buddy through EAS yet.



How often are you able to read and post? (easier during the day or night)?



I tend to post during the day while I am at work. But since I live in Asia now that is actually the middle of the nite for most on here. Cept I guess for any Aussies and Kiwis who might post on EAS.



Who is now a Tweener? For how long?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 8:07am

How has EAS helped you and how did you find it?



Found it by googling ending an affair. It has helped me more than I can ever express! I feel its like a constant friend, the best therapy and a continual source of inspiration every day. If I could be personal friends with every single EASer I would!



How long did you read/lurk here before you started posting?



Gosh months! I tried posting ages ago but was rightly redirected to MAS. I read every day though and slowly felt that what I was feeling was a common symptom in affairs.



Who has found a cyber buddy offline, and has this been helping you?



Yes I have spoken with a few women and its been bloody fantastic! I havent been on email a few days now though.



How often are you able to read and post? (easier during the day or night)?



Only at night unfortunately. I may have to buy an iPhone so I can access during day and leave my evenings for family and RL!



Who is now a Tweener? For how long?

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2010
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 12:01pm

Hi all,



I found EAS when searching for info on ending an affair. Helped me? Saved my life - gave me the strength and wisdom to finally walk away and stay away.



How long before posting? Well, I was a slow learner and since I wouldn't post until I was certain this was the end - I was a lurker for several years. This is not what I would recommend though; I often wonder if I had had the courage to post when I first found EAS would I have ended the affair sooner? Probably, as I am sure a kick in the pants was what I really needed to take the first step and I am certain I would have found it right here!



With no personal internet use at work and a "family" computer at home, I really have limited time to post/read. Thanks to you wonderful people here, though I have always had some great advice waiting when I can get online. I am only sorry that I have little time to try and help newbies with what I have learned.



I have been

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:57pm

OK, in keeping with my great tradition of procrastination that was so
successful in grad-school I will now submit my answers to the latest
yellow cap pop-quiz just before the final bell. Hey at least I know
yall will have plenty o' time to read them.

How has EAS helped you and how did you find it?

Well I found it the same way I find everything...through the brilliant minds of google (come to think of it, they must have had a hand in me having the A in the first place...sweet new scapegoat)! I had searched for "how to end an affair" after a exceptionally mind-bending day in the life of the A, a mere 10 days prior to the ending/disappearing act by my xAP.

As for how EAS helped me...Truly in more ways than I can even begin to remember (yet more than I will EVER forget), and I have not even been around that long. It instantly helped me to BREATH...to remember that I had to inhale after receiving such a punch to the gut. Then it helped me remember how to stand, helping me to my feet again after the shot crumpled me to the floor. It helped me to remember those legs are strong...yet gave me a place to sit when I needed a break. It made me realize how necessary that punch was...and to own up to the fact that I 'had it commin'. It without a doubt made me trust again after surrounding and submerging myself in a sea of deep lies. A renewed (and remembered) belief in the compassion of humanity as I witnessed the strength and determination of the members of this community. Gave me a place to go, and focus energy on, that was going to result in a positive feedback to my well being, rather than ingesting more toxins by contacting xAP. So there...just to name a few of the gifts that EAS gave me, and by extension also gave to my xAP.

How long did you read/lurk here before you started posting?
Hell I'm still a lurker at times dammit! Isolating myself within my own mind (or some natural landscape), yet always connecting to the words written by those with the conviction and wisdom to do so.

But really, I read a lot on that first find, read for 1.5 straight days as I prepared for what I knew was inevitable at that point, but none the less was unprepared for. When xAP went silent after I visited 10 days later I struggled for 3 weeks all alone. Going NC without knowing it really, just thought I was giving her some space after another in a string of partial d-days for xAP. Wish I would have come back and kept reading and posting in that interim time, just maybe then I would have been strong enough not to answer a call from her after those 3 weeks. With it, it was over, and I was crushed...found my way back here 2 days later, and after 2 days posted my story and received the most amazing welcome and support. Even though it is sometimes hard to provide insights from the MPOV around here, it is that outpouring of compassion that I felt that has kept me around, and will keep me always coming back,

Who has found a cyber buddy offline, and has this been helping you?
I have been fortunate enough to have found a few. Two in particular who ended about the same time as me. One without a doubt I would not have made it through some of the extremely rough early days without (THANK YOU!!!!), and another who has provided a great sounding board and support. Add to that a smattering of supportive emails from the higher ups, some older tweeners, and a newbie to provide a basis for crisis mode and a knowledge that I am never alone! It is nice for me as I have sometimes felt that a damn cat has my tongue when I try and post publicly, but have a place to write anything on my mind.

How often are you able to read and post? (easier during the day or night)?

I have literally read every post since the day I posted my story. I at times have realized that I am putting so much into reading and learning here, as well as a bunch of blogs that extended out like healing roots from the base of EAS, that my work had suffered some. I read early, late, and late late (damn insomnia). Sometimes I have to disappear for days for my job, but will always read when I return, or occasionally if I can get signal read on my phone.

Who is now a Tweener? For how long? (And BTW, YAY YOU!)
Not yet...but getting damn CLOSE! Cant wait to set up my tent out in the back 40 of hotel T'weener! Although I know I need to work on the whole feedback/pay it forward part much more in order to qualify. :)

Who will be celebrating a year out by the end of the year/or beginning next year?

While I will have to wait for 3/4ths of a great James Taylor lyric before I hit one year, I will never stop striving for it. And will be sure to be here supporting newbies when I do!

PLease comment on what has been the hardest obstacle to overcome with your ending.

Damn Teach...this is way to hard to condense at this point as I have written a half a novel on this thought by now. Without a doubt a short answer could be given in 2 ways.

1) Letting go of the fantasy. We built a dream together, and apparently took one hell of a dose of sleeping pills along with it!

2) The wear and tear on my poor feet as I have been on a constant path to track down that friggin CLOWN! Thank god he has so far stayed one step ahead of me!

And finally, who can honestly say that having an A was the worst
personal choice they ever made. (Raising my hand ;-)

Without a doubt the hardest and most painful experience I have ever experienced. And I can balk by saying...I ain't dead yet so I can say 'ever made' but I shudder at the thought of what could possibly top it.

Thanks for reading...and happy reading during our reading extended weekend (everyone just think of it as a vacation, but not a stressful one, one in which you actually get to relax). I will keep each and every one of you in my thoughts and wish for nothing but happy stories when we return again to our safe haven in cyber safe.

Wishing you all pece&light and reminding everyone to just
BREATH!!!!

((HUGS))
Foggy

P.S. Thanks again Iddy for making us think!


I do not know what is next in life...but at least I know what is NOT!
I do not know what is next in life...but at least I know what is NOT!

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