Only Ego
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Only Ego
| Fri, 10-02-2009 - 9:51am |
Why do I want them both to know how much they hurt me? H and XAP.
Why do I want them both to feel as badly as I do? To really miss me, think of me. When I realize that neither of them really do.

I do... I always want xAP to know how much he is hurting me..
I hope you'll feel at least a little better soon
Big hug
htgo
Yes... I used to feel that way. Everyone wants to feel that they truly matter to someone. That's why it hurts our ego so bad.
The secret is to get that feeling from within yourself. When you get it from yourself, no one can take it away from you :)
And honestly, they are so self-centered that they won't suffer much. Your xAP is discovering the intoxicating feeling of a new love so he's consumed by that. Your XH surely misses you, but not 'that way'. He probably misses the stuff you did to keep the home running.
In the end, the only person that really matters is you. You are a wonderful woman and if they can't see that then it's their loss. You deserve a lot better than what you've been offered so far - have faith that it will happen for you one day; it just wasn't meant to happen now. Once you've completed this hard life lesson and come out stronger for it, it will happen to you and you will appreciate it a hundred times more.
big hugs,
trixie xo
"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.”
I feel that way, too.
OMG I could have wrote everything you have said in all your posts myself!! Even the last part about "Dont we make a good looking couple" HAHA my xAP said that too whilst looking in the mirror hugging me VOMIT!!!
I have had had to watch XAP who i work side by side with "fall madly in love" with my coworker no sooner than 2 days after we split. I have to had to hear about how in love they are, how he worships her, how he told her he loves her only weeks after he was confessing his undying love for me, how he has taken her on weekends away, holidays, does everything for her etc etc. I had to watch how he sneaks into her office for hours, walks her out, takes her to lunch , laughs and talks to her all day on IM. All the same stuff he did with me. My heart has never felt more broken. It has been pure torture for the the past 8 months to deal with the realisation I meant nothing to him.
I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to work with xAP.