Ooops I did it again!
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| Tue, 10-05-2004 - 1:32pm |
I don't even know if I love him or i just want him to always want me. Last two times when i started NC he always called back but this time he did not and i broke it off. But i really do want to end this A, it is killing me inside. It's like i'm living inside my head and i'm getting tired and sometimes feel nothing is exciting anymore. My H is so good to me and he thinks it's the move that is getting me stressed and he is so supportive and that even hurts me more. Am i just addicted to someone who doesn't treat me right and do i just want something i can't have.
I'm moving thousands of miles away, i was only here temporarily and it's coming up soon, so i know by leaving the A ends too, and i know i will be OK since my environment will be different, but meanwhile why do i still want him. His birthday is coming up, i'm thinking of not even calling eventhough if it was a friend i would have called, i never miss birthdays and he knows that too. What should i do? I want to start NC today but what if i fall back like last time again. Why am i so weak towards him,and i'm known to be very strong. It's almost like i show him the side of me that i try to hide infront of others, does that make sense? Wow i just realized that and sounds weird!!!
What should i do? Call for his birthday or say goodbye before i leave? And trust i want this A to end more than anything but there are times i just loose it.

What should you do, you ask?
I suggest you read Iknowitstime's latest post here on the board and pay close attention to what she has written.
Affairs are addictions. What you had was a relapse. Stop worrying about it and resume your NC.
That's the long and the short of it.
Your choice.
Health or disease.
Well????????????
cl-nre
You got hit by a withdrawl cycle, that will happen but if you refuse to cave in your going to get stronger and the withdrawl symptoms will get weaker.
When you have that urge to call him REMEMBER HE WENT HOME TO HIS WIFE AND THAT IS WHAT HE IS GOING TO CONTINUE DOING BECAUSE THAT IS WERE HE WANTS TO BE.
Stay strong and be free
Free