oops i did it again....
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| Fri, 02-25-2005 - 8:33am |
well to make a long story short, for those who dont know me.. i am married. a started a relationship with a social friend which became intimate. social OM then got married with social girlfriend. after he got married he no longer wanted to talk to me and wanted to do the right thing and move on. this really hurt me because we were really good friends and i really care for him.
Om made it a point not to msn with me. i really at this point just wanted to be able to hear from him once in a while through msn as friends.
yesterday, (i knew his wife was out of town) i passed by his office and as he was driving off i called him on the cell and he picked up. i asked him to meet with me and he did. we parked in an empty commercial building, and we talked he started again about how wrong it was and about all the consequenses. he told me that he was now married too and that it was different. i asked him why since i was married before and that did not stop him.
well, all i really wanted was to convince him to call me once in while to talk. however, i started to touch him, and i went down on him.
like i said we are social friends and in fact we are going to see each other again in 2 weeks at a birthday party. but when we are in a social setting we dont talk the same.
i know what we had is over. i know he will never call me. i realized yesterday i am tired of his negativity and making it so hard to even talk to him.
what is wierd is that a part of me feels like i was able to get him to cheat on his new wife as he got me to cheat on my H. wicked as it may sound, he made it seem like his new commitment was more important than mine and i guess thats not true.
for those who know my story, i was REALLY hurt from this relationship. i was hurt that he walked away and forgot about me and the friendship we had. i have been through all the stages. i have cried my heart out, i have been depressed, and now i am at the stage where i am num. i go through life each day but not really happy just there.
thanks for listening

Well, all I can say is....I hope your actions have now evened the score for you.
<<>>
If it was *that easy* to lower your standards just to prove a point, then neither one of you has one remote clue what the term *committment* means.
<>>
Well, supposedly you are still hurting, only now you are doing it to yourself. But wait!!! Haven't you been doing that all along anyway? My dear, friendships have nothing to do with giving your pal a BJ. They have another name for this kind of interaction.
Tell me something? You have been around a while, no? Just what have you actually learned from this board? I would REALLY REALLY like to know....
Ups,
I'm sorry you still feel numb after all this time. I remember your posts from this past fall, wondering what would happen as his wedding day grew closer and closer.
I also understand your desire to have some kind of relationship with him, even as friends. I tried that as well. It ended the same -- no contact, no contact, no contact. That is the only way you will truly move on with your life.
It sounds like he's moving on with his, as he should. He made a choice, and to be frank, it wasn't you.
And if you care about him -- I mean really care -- you will not tempt him to break his marriage vows again. Despite what happened in his past, he has made a committment to his WIFE. He chose her. Be a good friend and let him go.
Getting him to break his wife's trust is not proof that you are right and he was wrong. It's inviting him to sink into the pit of lies again, despite his desire to move forward. Basically, all you accomplished was to set your recovery back to square one, again.
Do right by him and, more importantly you, let him live with his choice. Let him be happy with his wife.
Once you let go, you can start looking for your happiness again.
Good luck, stay strong! Shel
Hi Ups,
Its been a long time. I thought you where on the road to recovery since I haven't seen you for a while. I am dissapointed I thought your goal was to move on. You need to have a little more self respect for YOU, what you did is not going to pull him back to you, in all honesty what man would not aprreciate a BJ. If he is telling you he has moved on to try with his new bride you should do the same. Your only causing yourself so much pain and wow what a setback. I dont mean to be harsh but reality is he has moved on. You dont need a friend like him. He truely is not a friend.
Take Care...
This may surprise you but you could actually be very happy in less then ONE month!
But ONLY if during the next 30 days you actually leave this man alone! He's made it clear that he is not interested in a relationship with you because he got married. The fact that he responded to your advances, only proves he's a man...nothing more. Well, unless you want to add your ability to stroke his ego even further....personally, to me, that's a negative.
In order for you to be able to move onto a healthy LIFE....you need to start valuing YOURSELF a heck of a lot MORE! Eventually, you will realize it...until then, yes, you will continue to *go through life each day but not really happy just there*.
Only YOU have the power to change it!
Good Luck!
I have to agree with caring on this one..i month can change a lot if you want it it.
I followed your story and I know this has been roguh for you, but I am not sure what being with accomplished for you? I would think after all it made you miss him more. I know you want him in your life but this isnt the way. Give youself some real time to put this behind you. You may be surprised how good you feel if you really start accepting what he is sayign and not what you want.
I know this is tough but it wont get better until you start to work at it. Really i hope you can
HUGS
You had your REVENGE now for the REJECTION you were feeling from XMM, are you now ready to move on and GIVE YOUR HUSBAND HIS DUE.
Free
Ugh.