Opening Night - UPDATE - Need feedback

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Opening Night - UPDATE - Need feedback
5
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 11:42am
Well, first of all, opening night was fabulous. H sent me a dozen long stem roses, I had a large group of friends at the show, and we were amazing! I felt great. Everyone loved the show! Went out afterwards and had a great time - didn't even think about xOM.

Saturday, H and I spent the day together - he actually bought me a new car! He was so sweet - said I deserved it (yeah, right!). So, I was feeling pretty good when I got to the theatre. We enter the stage from the lobby, so we had to walk from back stage, out into the parking lot and then up front. Of course I looked for xOM's car, but it wasn't there. He didn't show up.

I thought I would be relieved, but I have to be honest - I was really hurt. The weird thing is, I was feeling pretty good all week. We haven't spoken since last weekend, and I was actually ok with it. But last night was a real setback for me. First I was hurt, then after the show (and a few beers) I was angry. I called xOM - of course he didn't answer - and I left a pretty nasty message.

I guess I needed this to happen. I just hate that I'm still so hurt and angry. I shouldn't care - I should be glad he didn't show up - I should be happy that he has finally let go (I don't think I'll be getting anymore 2am calls) - but all I feel right now is pain. I feel like he just stabbed me in the heart.

I know I'll get past this, but it just sucks right now...

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 1:09pm
hi there Diva--

How cool about the car! Your H sounds like a great guy--you are fortunate that your A is over and you are starting to rebuild. You DO deserve the car if you are done with the A and are committed to making your M a great one--don't be so hard on yourself.

I'm glad the show went well! It is disappointing when those little things happen with our XMMs--when we hope to get that glimpse--but as you know, it's over between you, and it really is better that he didn't show.

So now it's time to think about you and only you. Last night's show was sort of a last hurdle for you--I'm really glad for you that he didn't (even though you will continue to feel bummed). You can look forward now instead of back :-)

I posted last night after a party where I talked to my XMM twice--the conversations were just like I was talking to any other guy at the party. But I would much rather be in the position as you are and several others on this board who can TRULY have NC. I need to interact with my XMM at work and we travel in the same social circles. I would much rather get over my A with total NC than by seeing this guy once every week or two. Count your blessings!! (I know it's hard, but it's time to move on).

All the best to you :-)

Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 9:06pm
Hey Diva! Congrats on the opening nite, the new car, it all sounds good. Your H sounds like an OK guy!

Well I don't drink - anymore. Used to. Long story. But I always said when I was drinking, "don't worry about taking my car keys, take my cellphone away from me!!!" Bad idea to make that call, but you know that. It was largely the beer talking. Stay away from both - the beer and the XMM - in the future and you'll have better days! Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 11:14am
Diva,


I assume you post on this board because you honestly want some feedback, so I'm going to give it to you, and I don't want to piss you off, but I've been following your posts for some time now, and I figure you wouldn't be on this board if you didn't want the truth.

I honestly don't know where you're at. On the one hand, you keep saying that you want it to be over, etc. On the other, you seem to want to stay in it, to some degree. If you didn't, you wouldn't be calling this man on the phone because he didn't show up at your play. Wasn't it you who posted awhile back upset because you didn't know why the heck he was calling from out in California with his friends? But here you are calling him. You're sending mixed messages, probably to him, and definitely to the board. If you truly want this affair to be over, and to get on with your life, then you need to do just that. You can't have one foot out, and varying degrees of toes still in. Either it's over and you want to focus on your M (a new car? sounds like a nice guy), or you want to continue to hang on to this other man, to some degree. Don't get me wrong, I know it's hard. Very hard. This relationship was providing you with something...ego boost, passion, who knows...but you made the decision (probably wise one) that it wasn't worth ruining your marriage over. Take it from one who has been where you've been...if you continue playing with fire, you will get burnt. You may think it's harmless to just be "friends", talk on the phone occasionally, whatever. All that will do is lead you back in. If you want it over, make it so, and forget about it. It CAN be done. If I, and others here, can do it, so can you.

You can do it Diva! Forget this cat.

Silly

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 11:36am
Diva-

I know exactly how you feel and I know it hurts that he didn't show up. If I remember correctly on a earlier post I thought you told him it would not be a good idea if he came to the show. He is doing exactly what you said for him to do. I know you were saying that to him bc you wanted to seem like you were strong and over him so that is exactly what you got. Dont worry about calling him. We all make mistakes with our XMM. One of the last times I called my XMM after we broke things off when I called and acted like we were definitely over and for him to not hate me or be mad at me. He said he could never hate me and was thinking about me all weekend. So when I called back three days later feeling down (not wanting to get back)to talk to him he blew me off and asked why I wanted to talk to him and said he would call me back- 6weeks ago. So my point is just move on and forget you even called him that night. I know its hard bc you showed the last contact with him but that is okay. Don't answer his 2am calls anymore bc I'm sure he will call again and then you will have the last word - as in NC.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 7:03pm
Silly,

You are totally right - and I appreciate your feedback. I have been on the fence. I wasn't the one who ended the A - he was - and truth be told, I didn't want to end it when he did. I KNOW it was wrong - and I have an AMAZING H. Ending it before I ruined my M or before H found out was the best thing that could have happened to me.

I know this sounds stupid, but I think part of me liked the fact that I was the first girl he said I love you to and the first girl he ever thought about marriage with. It did give me a huge ego boost, and let's face it, I'm an actress, it's all about drama and ego for me :-)

Our whole A was him pursuing me. Now that that has stopped, I am confused and feel...weird. I guess it bothers me more that HE seems to have let go so easily. I didn't really realize just how emotionally invested I was until it was over.

It'll be 3 months tomorrow since it ended, and I am at the point where I can finally go to our 'special places' (like Starbucks) or hear 'our songs' without crying. I know that by trying to contact him, I will only fall back into that horrible pattern. Thanks for your support!! Everyone, really!!!

Diva