Opinions, anyone??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2011
Opinions, anyone??
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 6:33am

So things were going well with this guy for a while. Now I haven't seen him in a two weeks but I do get texts, casual texts, frequently.  When I ask him about this behavior (this has happened several times) I am told that he is "going through something" and that he doesn't want to discuss it "until he's sure" and that he'll "need help with it". Now, I have helped him with many issues, of ALL types, completely unrelated to our relationship, in the past. I'm the kind of person who is always there for everyone.  When I ask if the "something" he's going through has ANYTHING at all to do with me, he assures me it does not.
He keeps in touch but has not made plans with me lately and frankly, I miss him and have told him this. He keeps telling me not to worry and we will see each other.  I absolutely HATE MYSELF for caring. I desperately wish I could hate him instead and tell him to disappear, but we've know each other (acquaintances only) for years and can't stand to cut him out of my life completely. I am smart. I am aware. I am reality based. But I really want to see him! I don't know what to do or how to handle this. On the one hand he MAY be going through things because his life is rather complicated...on the other hand I ALWAYS feel like I'm being put on the back burner...I am so saddened by this. I just want to put EVERYTHING I think and all my anger into an email and send it to him once and for all...but I know that would result in a permanent change of status...I am SO UPSET and conflicted ! Help!

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Sat, 05-25-2013 - 4:20pm

Hi Monica :)

Welcome to the Ending an Affair Support Board.  Why don't you tell us a little more about your situation so we know how best to support you.

Is your relationship an affair?  Is he married? Are you married?

I'd like to add, too, that married or not, this man is not making time for you...and that's never a good thing.  You sound more vested in the relationship.  So married or not, it might be a good time to give it up.  When you are important in a man's life, he will make time to spend with you.  And if he is a good man, and decides after a while that you are just not the one, he'll let you know...so everyone can move on.

So, post in when you can with more info and let us know how you are doing.



Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 10:05am
Is he M? If so, don't allow yourself to get involved with MM. If they "pursue" you stop them in their tracks and tell them that it is disrespectful to you to be in a hidden relationship. Also, never allow your self esteem and self worth to be dependent on someone else. It doesn't matter. He has a right to not contact you. You can't control him or what he does but you can control yourself.