Opinions Please!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Opinions Please!!
15
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 5:41pm

Hi All

Well I never thought I'd be posting something like this, but I need opinions fast.

Does the following constitute cheating/how would you girls feel about it:
Your H lip-locking/making out w/another woman in a film (not a homemade one or a porno, but a real film).

I mean I know it's not "real life" and it's not like he has feelings for her (yet), but I just don't know how to feel about it. Goodness knows I've done worse, but still...

Thanks, Blue

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anonymous user
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 6:04pm

Hiya BEBG,

I live in Europe so it's a much more laid back & altogether different atmosphere than in the US. Generally speaking, Europeans are fairly open about a physical greeting or farewell.

For example, it's really not given a second thought that I kiss & warmly hug my husband's male and female friends when greeting them or saying goodbye. Equally, it's completely natural that DH kisses and warmly hugs my female friends though he tends to restrict himself to a warm back-slappy kind of hug for my male friends. It's really not unusual for many European men to hug and do a quick peck on both cheeks greeting or farewell to one another.

It's really not something I think about much unless I'm back in the States where people are far less touchy feely.

As far as DH sucking face or making out with a woman in a film, it's just acting. I know where his heart is even if his face is locked to another woman's for the sake of art lol.

Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 6:29pm

Blue

If your talking about a professional production film, I call it work, you do the job your payed to do it does not mean a thing he may not even like her at all, she may have bad breath, you never know.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 8:47pm

Blue,

I speak from experience - no. I am an actress and often have to kiss/do a love scene with someone on stage or on film. I've never felt like it was cheating - nor has my H, who has seen me kiss/make-out with alot of men over the last 4 years!! :-) For me, it is work - that's all. Hope that helped!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 10:38pm
Thank you Diva & yes that helps. I know it's work & not real life w/emotions attached. I guess having been a cheater myself, I tend to be more suspicious. I don't know. It just is weird to send your H off to make-out w/another woman. And, I guess it makes me think of when I kissed xMM and how special it felt/emotions, etc. I guess I'm just being silly & paranoid. And yes Free, I hope she does have bad breath!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 11:05pm

Blue

It is very common for the WS to be afraid that there spouse will have a revenge affair or be hurting enought to fall into one but the large majority do not do so.

Your going to have to trust him....interesting position to be in eh.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 11:22pm

You know, I read that somewhere...that people who cheat tend to be more suspicious of their spouse...hmmmm...

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
Wed, 12-15-2004 - 12:00pm
My ex H used to say...... If you accuse someone of cheeting it is because you yourself have or is cheeting. Funny he used to accuse me all the time!!!!!!! lol (and it wass true)
kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Wed, 12-15-2004 - 9:51pm

Free,

Very interesting position to be in... Incidentally, he's shooting the make-out scene today/tonight (he was supposed to do it yesterday, but apparently they worked on other scenes). Well, he started shooting at 1pm and he's still not home yet and hasn't called (it's 9:45 here). Damn, why does she have to be so pretty & why do I have to be so paranoid??

Blue

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 12-15-2004 - 10:10pm

Blue

She got the job because she is pretty that's how it works, I presume your hubby is a looker to.

From what little I know it is very common for shoots to be very long like 14 hour work days.

Look at it this way after you have put in a grueling 14 hour day how romantic are you feeling.

Paranoid = FAIR, you like any w/s have that natural fear that your B/S will feel free to turn the tables on you, but the truth is very few ever do, they have tasted the pain it causes and want no part of inflicting it on someone they love.

Try and relax, there's not a lot else you can do, you either trust him or you don't.

Peace

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Wed, 12-15-2004 - 10:34pm

Free,

You're right, as usual. I do have to chose either to trust him or not. Trust has always been something that I find very difficult. And yes, my H is a looker, to say the least. I suppose my fears also stem from the fact that as he has gotten more involved in acting (something he only seriously started to pursue after my A) he has begun to hang out with people (male & female) that I've never met (just seen pictures) who share this interest with him. I know that's normal and I'm glad that he has made new friends. However, I've begun to sense that he's growing away from me. He stayed out til 7am one night w/these new friends at a club. I wasn't included b/c I had work the next day and he didn't want to have to leave early. I guess this is another repercussion of my A - I pushed him away for long enough that he's decided to grow in different directions w/o me. It's so unlike him not to call and as it gets later and later, I feel more and more alone. I guess I'm getting my just desserts. Thanks for listening.

Blue

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