Other's experience please

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Other's experience please
3
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 6:53pm
Just some thoughts here for the girls on the board. How did your MM react when you finally stuck to NC? Did they get mad at you? Is this normal? Possibly from being rejected or the simple fact that you no longer boost their ego.

Maybe they have the same relief that the drama is over and they no longer have to be sneaky.

I am thankful the line was never crossed (in a physical sense) and I don't have to let go

of a MM after intimacy is involved. Believe me when I say, NC can be tough regardless of the level of the situation. I wonder if that has a factor in the length of recovery?

Anyway...just curious about others experiences.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 11:35pm
I was involved with MM for 3 years. the last year was all about getting out for me. when I tried to "end" it in previous years, I failed miserably because it was more about getting attention & reassurance (I was a mess!).

The last year I knew I was ready & sort of weaned myself from MM for about 6 mos. before I ended the relationship -- by changing my life & spending less time with & energy on MM & more time on MY life, my family, my home, my work, and even dating. I didn't hide what I was doing but he didn't see it as me breaking away from him.

When I went out on a date with a guy I knew I could possibly have real feelings for & interest in (who knows on a first date? but I did), I called MM the next day and said I needed to explore this thing and needed time apart from him to do it. It was really about time for me but this new interest spurred me on to go ahead and do it.

At first, he was angry. then he acted like, go ahead, do whatever you need to. that lasted about a day. then he would call crying early in the morning or late at night or show up at my office. he would follow me in my car & try to get me to pull over. He wrote me long letters. this went on sporadically for about 3 mos. It got kind of scary but was never really threatening, just nerve wracking.

The first few times I listened and talked with him but after that I stuck with NC and completely rejected his attempts to communicate. I had to remember that I owed him NOTHING. What we shared was strong but mostly just wrong.

The last time he showed up at my house, late at night, a little drunk I think. I told him I would call the police if I ever saw him around my house or office again. That did it. He's never attempted to contact me again.

I'm free! The guy I went out with is my boyfriend now for almost a year! -- we've seen each other ever since. sometimes you just know.



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Sat, 01-24-2004 - 9:49am
hello. I intiated NC after months of trying to make the 'friendship' work. MM has not tried once to contact me, and he will never. He is very kind, level-headed and respected my choice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Sat, 01-24-2004 - 2:52pm
hello cmbm1,

I don't know your story haven't been posting long. It is nice to here your view. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the missing MM and the pain of NC. Much better outcome knowing that two people can go their seperate ways with kindness and respect. How refreshing.