Over and over again
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| Sat, 01-08-2005 - 12:27am |
I come here often (daily) and lurk, posted a couple of times as well. (Posie and Free: you are awesome and reply with such honesty and truth.) I read post after post in search of the "answer." What is the right/wrong way to end the A? How do I do it and stick to NC? Is there such a thing as "closure"; when nothing good comes out of bad?
But, the truth for me is I know what I need to do (not sure how or even when) but the answers are here within me. I have come to learn (by reading post and some self-exploration) that it's not going to be over until I truly want it to be over. That's where it becomes difficult. Why am I not ready to reclaim my life as I knew it? To regain my self-respect? Pure and simple...it's self-defeating behavior. My situation is different than alot of the other members who post here (although some scary similarities when I ask myself could it be possible that one of us is seeing the same man..LOL). I don't know when I will be ready, but I know my day will come. It's a long process. Easier going in than it is coming out of an A. I hope I can call it quits before the bomb goes off. In the meantime, I will read and continue T and find the strength to do what needs to be done. Hugs to all here. It's tough.

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You definately have the insight, so work with that. When I realized that we were pushing the envelope into oblivion, is when I began my retreat. The longer the affair, the more careless you become through phone calls, emails, meetings, and not paying attention to detail. The deceit becomes all consuming and for me, well....it just wasn't worth the emotional agony any longer. My greatest fear was discovery (which...duh...should have been the reason for never starting it), but the
Hi Sunshine,
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That is the truth!! And if I may give you some advice, When that time does arrive, Please, before you tell him that it is over, you make sure that you are very ready to end it!! I've thought I was ready so many times and have continuously let him sneak back in to my life. I have told him so many times that I Need this to be over and he is at the point now where I'm sure he is thinking "yeah, right!" I will tell you that i really WANT to want it to be over, but it is so hard to get to that point. There is always that hope that if I let him come back that we will eventually end up together. It has done nothing but end up hurting every time! So don't tell him it's over unless you know in you r heart that it definatley is!! And then be true to yourself, respect yourself and stick to your guns. I wish I would have!!
Pal
You said it..it isn't over before you want it to be. I have toyed with ending my A many times but just knew I wasn't ready. SO you'd think when he ended it I'd take it as a way out. But no I freak like he is my end all. It was so much easier goign in! Takes a lot more strength to stick to the end no matter who intiates it!
Good luck
ID-
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It definitely does. I am in a situation where we are both M, but neither of our spouses are here. His is in another state and mine is overseas. So we don't have to sneak around as much b/c we both have "free reign!"(if you can say that!) My GF said if you are going to keep this going, you have to realize it is what it is. You can't let it consume your life. I allowed him to become my main focus. My biggest mistake...my biggest regret. Even though we both made it clear to each other that neither of us will ever leave our spouses, I fell in love.
Thanks for your reply!
Hi Pal-
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So have I, so have I. Sometimes, I think I make myself out to look crazy. I'll tell him it's over..wait a couple days...then send an email. Acting as if I am desperate for this man! Our most serious of our overs came right before the holidays, I think he knew I was easing my way out. So now it's become, "I care for you. It can't be over!" He knows I am emotional and that's how he got me back this time. He brought out the guns.
Pal...I have to say before I got M...to get over a bad relationship, I would rebound. I can't do that now. Of course, I could physically but I have too much self-respect to put myself out there like that. Contradicting myself...I know. Using self-respect on an ending an A support board. LOL! An A has the ability to turn you inside out and upside down to the point where you sacrifice so much of your soul that you forget who you are.
Thanks for the advice. That why I posted my original message. It's pointless for me to post and continuously ask for advice when I know I am not really ready to follow it. I love the support on this board! Hugs to you.