Overheard two women talking yesterday...
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| Fri, 05-16-2003 - 4:44pm |
I was shopping (lol - of course!) and the saleslady and her customer (I assume a friend of hers) were saying how hard it is to get over a relationship. I think they were talking about a divorce situation... and the one woman said that it would be easier if her X was dead. Not that she wished him to BE dead... but that knowing he is out there, walking around, and not with her BY CHOICE was so much harder than if he were taken from her life by some other circumstance, like if he was killed in some accident... And I really had to stop and think about that - I had never even thought of it in that way before...
Is part of why it's so hard to get over them because they are still out there and just choosing not to be with us (or we had to choose not to go with them)? Even if that choice is made because it is the right thing to do and we have a family (or they do, or we both do), it is still a choice and implies that another outcome (even if painful in a different way) would have been possible... is that the unfinished part of this that keeps us from healing more quickly?
And is that why NC is so helpful too? Almost as if they become "dead to us" by not being at all in our lives anymore, and thus we are less reminded that they are still out there walking around, living... just not with us...? What do you all think?
Must be philosophical Friday for me...
Glinda
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SO, yeah, I totally think that the "what if?" is powerful. However, contact makes you think what-if more often than n/c because n/c means it is over, that person is out of your life.
On the other hand, I can see the benefit of contact,too. Like you, for example... you get to let out some of your feelings to your XMM, which can be healing. I would even venture to say that's ideal. You tell me! :)
Happy Philosophical Friday, lol! I have one more question, and BOY, this is the MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION I'VE asked yet: When you went shopping, did ya find any good sales?! LOL!!
~Mel
I think it's good that I can let out my feelings to XMM... but ideal? Hardly... I told him again today that I wish he WOULD leave town with his new gf, only because then I wouldn't have to see him all the time and keep the wound as raw...
And, sadly, the answer to your last question - No - no good sales!!!
Glinda
What I was thinking was ideal was that you two were still on speaking terms, and that you had the chance to let those feelings out before ending contact. That would be ideal, to end contact knowing you understood eachother and had no hard feelings towards eachother. I so wish I had that chance, but I don't, and I accept that. My DH would have a major fit if I think about contacting XMM after what happened last night. Ohhh, that's a whole different story! I'll post it...
(((hugs)))
~Mel
I'll check later for your post... hope you're ok...
Glinda
--RT