Interesting, that yes, during my A I also had an "air" about me... I felt young and in love, sexy and beautiful, and I looked it too. Well, except for when I sitting alone crying because I couldn't be with xAP, or because he hadn't called me, or because I was lying to everyone I knew including my children.
Now that I'm out of it, I think I show more of a sense of relief. I'm more relaxed. I'm more focused on my kids and family. I sleep better at night and I'm not carrying around a huge burden of guilt.
Yeah, I can look in the mirror and smile back at me :) It's been a long, hard, painful road, but I'm happy to be where I am now.
I looked totally run down, depressed, and had gained about 20 pounds. I medicated the pit in my stomach from all the feelings that I couldn't express, with food, and had totally let go of all self-care, particularly connections to friends and family. My emotional and physical nourishment was gone. I looked as unwell on the outside as I felt on the inside.
Within a week of ending it, I had everybody in my life, and I mean EVERYBODY commenting on how well I looked. Even though I was in tremendous grief the weight of the A was no longer present, and I was no longer coping by shoving feelings down with food. Even after a few runs and regular eating patterns, the new me was emerging happy & healthier.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." — Maya Angelou
Interesting topic... and one I've thought about but never articulated. In the early days of my A, I looked and felt fantastic... and for good reason. I had a man, who I thought walked on water, fawning all over me and telling me how beautiful I was all of the time. But, as the A dragged on and my emotions started to get trampled on and the lies started to eat away at me, it took a toll on my physical appearance. I was tired all of the time, sickly, emaciated. To put it simply, I looked like death. When xap ended things at one point in November, I went out with a friend the next day and when she answered the door she said, "Oh my gosh. You look so happy... you look like the old Jane that I've missed so much." I was so relieved when xap ended it that time. He had never ended it before, so I was sure that it would stick, and even though it hurt, I thought I had finally found the escape that I was not strong enough to make for myself. I was wrong... it lasted only a day and he was texting/emailing again. By the time January rolled around, I was physically a shell of the person I was a year before. During those 12 months, I was laid-up-in-bed sick for almost 5 months of time. I didn't sleep more than 4 hours a night. My hair thinned, my eyes had huge dark circles under them, my skin was dull and dry. I wasn't eating right. I was drinking too much. I felt awful and looked even worse.
Now, 6 months out of my A, I think I look and feel the best I have in a very long time. I've put some weight back on (maybe a bit more than I am usually comfy with, but I am ok with it), my hair is shiny and lovely again, my skin looks great, I've only been sick once and that was due to a severe allergic reaction and subsequent sinus infection. I get enough sleep. I am rested. The dark circles are gone... and get this... I smile... like most of the time. I hadn't smiled in so long during the A... I could even muster the strength.
OMG. I am so glad to be on this side of the A. Life is good.
It's nice read your insights but one thing for sure, we are no longer the OW in love but from our experiences we learnt and learning to love ourselves what of what we have become after A.
I wish all of us here to have a happy and a fulfilled file for the entire days of our life.
Liberty
As long as we are living in real world, life is good even if the circumstances we are in are not.
Ahhh the glow... how many times did I hear that at the beginning of the A. Random people who I wasn't even that close to telling me about the glow I had, I worked out, lost weight.
Roll on 7 months and I can't look in the mirror, I'm not sleeping, getting up really early, my skin looks grey and it's all I can do to eat something.
The mirror thing I think is more to do with self-disgust - for what I did, what I became all mixed in with pain of losing XAP, recovering etc.
All my life I was against antidepressants, and today, day three of them, I'm angry that I let myself get to this stage.
My closest friends have said my personality has changed, I'm no longer fun, always half there, and I can tell their patience is wearing thin.
Hey Liberty,
Interesting, that yes, during my A I also had an "air" about me... I felt young and in love, sexy and beautiful, and I looked it too. Well, except for when I sitting alone crying because I couldn't be with xAP, or because he hadn't called me, or because I was lying to everyone I knew including my children.
Now that I'm out of it, I think I show more of a sense of relief. I'm more relaxed. I'm more focused on my kids and family. I sleep better at night and I'm not carrying around a huge burden of guilt.
Yeah, I can look in the mirror and smile back at me :) It's been a long, hard, painful road, but I'm happy to be where I am now.
-Angel
Not me.
I looked totally run down, depressed, and had gained about 20 pounds. I medicated the pit in my stomach from all the feelings that I couldn't express, with food, and had totally let go of all self-care, particularly connections to friends and family. My emotional and physical nourishment was gone. I looked as unwell on the outside as I felt on the inside.
Within a week of ending it, I had everybody in my life, and I mean EVERYBODY commenting on how well I looked. Even though I was in tremendous grief the weight of the A was no longer present, and I was no longer coping by shoving feelings down with food. Even after a few runs and regular eating patterns, the new me was emerging happy & healthier.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
Whilst in A, I was told on numerous occasioned that i glowed, I gained soo much self confidence,
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,
Interesting topic... and one I've thought about but never articulated. In the early days of my A, I looked and felt fantastic... and for good reason. I had a man, who I thought walked on water, fawning all over me and telling me how beautiful I was all of the time. But, as the A dragged on and my emotions started to get trampled on and the lies started to eat away at me, it took a toll on my physical appearance. I was tired all of the time, sickly, emaciated. To put it simply, I looked like death. When xap ended things at one point in November, I went out with a friend the next day and when she answered the door she said, "Oh my gosh. You look so happy... you look like the old Jane that I've missed so much." I was so relieved when xap ended it that time. He had never ended it before, so I was sure that it would stick, and even though it hurt, I thought I had finally found the escape that I was not strong enough to make for myself. I was wrong... it lasted only a day and he was texting/emailing again. By the time January rolled around, I was physically a shell of the person I was a year before. During those 12 months, I was laid-up-in-bed sick for almost 5 months of time. I didn't sleep more than 4 hours a night. My hair thinned, my eyes had huge dark circles under them, my skin was dull and dry. I wasn't eating right. I was drinking too much. I felt awful and looked even worse.
Now, 6 months out of my A, I think I look and feel the best I have in a very long time. I've put some weight back on (maybe a bit more than I am usually comfy with, but I am ok with it), my hair is shiny and lovely again, my skin looks great, I've only been sick once and that was due to a severe allergic reaction and subsequent sinus infection. I get enough sleep. I am rested. The dark circles are gone... and get this... I smile... like most of the time. I hadn't smiled in so long during the A... I could even muster the strength.
OMG. I am so glad to be on this side of the A. Life is good.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
It's nice read your insights but one thing for sure, we are no longer the OW in love but from our experiences we learnt and learning to love ourselves what of what we have become after A.
I wish all of us here to have a happy and a fulfilled file for the entire days of our life.
Liberty
As long as we are living in real world, life is good even if the circumstances we are in are not.
Ahhh the glow... how many times did I hear that at the beginning of the A. Random people who I wasn't even that close to telling me about the glow I had, I worked out, lost weight.
Roll on 7 months and I can't look in the mirror, I'm not sleeping, getting up really early, my skin looks grey and it's all I can do to eat something.
The mirror thing I think is more to do with self-disgust - for what I did, what I became all mixed in with pain of losing XAP, recovering etc.
All my life I was against antidepressants, and today, day three of them, I'm angry that I let myself get to this stage.
My closest friends have said my personality has changed, I'm no longer fun, always half there, and I can tell their patience is wearing thin.
Roll on til I get that glow and happiness back.
PKx
Hello my friend :)
What an excellent topic. This is something I have also noticed in myself and was bothered by for a time.
Dear Pikulou,
Yah that glow or shoud i say just a spark?