OW's # Still in H's Cell Phone

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
OW's # Still in H's Cell Phone
6
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 1:48pm
so, i am wondering. I looked at H's cell phone over the weekend (haven't done this in a while--just thought i would check) and lo and behold, there was OW's cell phone in his phone book directory. He had put her in his phone book as another woman's name (he has done this before: he would store her phone numbers as a man's name, his voice mail number, another woman's name, etc.)

I asked him about it and he told me it was left over from the fall, when he was in contact with her.

Don't you think if something is really over, you delete that person's number from your cell phone directory?

I also took the opportunity to ask him what his various passwords were. He stumbled around on this for a bit, and then finally said his birthdate. Unfortunately, i know this not to be true, as i found an old cell phone of his from the fall and tried to listen to his messages--and put in every conceivable combination of passwords, including various takes on his birthday.

I think he is still lying to me. I certainly have deleted all of xMM's phone numbers from my world--did that months ago.

Any input?

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:29pm
Well, I think that you are living a double standard. It is all right for you to have an affair, but when your husband does the same to you, all of a sudden you are a betrayed spouse. I think that since you are posting this on both boards, perhaps you should take it to the All Sides board. So, make up your mind. Are you a Betrayed Spouse, or are you Ending an Affair, or both? If both, take it to the other board, please. Does your husband know of YOUR affair? If not, you are really living a double standard. And if you are that concerned, perhaps this is not the man that you belong with. Does he trust you? And if so, too bad.

Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:41pm

Clarice, I don't think I'd make a big deal out of her phone number being onhis phone. I still have numbers on mine that I haven't used in over a year. It doesn't mean he's calling her. You want him to trust you, therefore you have to trust him. It's a two-way street, girl!


You're sneaking around in to stuff that you normally wouldn't mess with. It doesn't sound good for you. You're looking or trouble. If you keep it up, you will definitely find it.


Either show some trust in your dh or get yourself and your children out of the marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:46pm
Clarice,

I do hope that you ignore the other poster's negativity. Although everyone is entitled to their own opinion, it sounds like this person is putting forth bitterness instead of helping like this board is for. Now on to your post...

My first thought was that men don't think like women. When we end a relationship, it's like our first instinct to get rid of painful reminders or things like that in order for us not to think about it. Men aren't the same way, at least as far as I know. He might have just forgotten about it.

On the other hand, it COULD be there for a reason. I guess what I think you have to do is look at the bigger picture. Does he disappear with his phone often? Does it ring at weird times, and is he leaving the house after a phone call sometimes? If you are already used to checking and he doesn't mind, try checking the cellphone bill, or his call log. I know it might seem like a violation of privacy but it would give you peace of mind and reassurance if it turns out to be nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 11:27pm
You bet your ass he's lying! Get his cell phone records and I'll bet you anything you'll find he's in contact with her.

Once a liar, always a liar.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 9:48am
thank you for all your replies. no one needs to tell me what a double standard i've been living. i know that and struggle with that daily. now that little league is over WHEW! (i turned in my last commissioners report to xMM yesterday and have one final game and practice this week) i am considering telling my husband everything. I haven't decided. But it is something i consider all the time.

I did check his cell phone logs for December (after his NC started) and after i found the phone number this week, i checked for the last current month. He has not been in contact with her for either of those periods.

Hope all are doing well. I am working hard in my therapy and feel like i am finally getting somewhere! Not about xMM or H, but working hard on me!

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 11:07am

Clarice, I am glad that you are making progress in your therapy. Working on you is htre best thing you could do for yourself and your family.


On a side note, my son and I are going down to visit my best friend (other than Sean) for the weekend. Her son is just finishing up 4th grade and has his last Little league games are SAturday as well. It could be the early 8 a.m. game which I might not be too overjoyed at gettng up for but will be overjoyed to watch or it might be later. The kid didn't know when his mom asked him last night. We're not sure when c;osing ceremonies are either!. Saturday could be pretty darn busy!

~Chris~<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />