Paging Clarity...can you expand on a comment you made in another post?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2012
Paging Clarity...can you expand on a comment you made in another post?
16
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 2:10pm

I was reading a thread that Clarity had posted a reply to...it struck a chord and I copied it so I could paste it into this new message.  Now I can't locate the original thread to refer back to! 

Anyway, Clarity, or anyone else that can add insight, can you expand more on the following paragraph?  It describes me to a T.  Where does the 'entitlement' part come from?  "Egomaniac with an inferiorty complex' was something that I heard in a 12 step program, decades ago - that is so ME. 

2.  NO MORE BLAMING...It doesn't matter how you got here...if he/she pursued you to death...spoke words of love...blah blah blah...you are here (that's you in general) because of your own weaknesses and misguided thinking. Childhood issues, an overinflated sense of entitlement, inability to address issues head-on, lack of boundaries, lack of good coping skills..just some of reasons why we are here.  

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Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Entitlement...

It can come from resentment. You're resentful...and that can get twisted and turned around to become a sense of entitlement.

Like, "I do so much for everyone, and no one appreciates all that I do, and no one does anything for me."

And then, someone else starts to pay some attention to you, or to do something for you, and in your mind you think "well, I deserve this. Isn't it my turn? I've done everything for everyone else for so long, and ignored my own needs while doing that...isn't it time I worried about ME?"

And the entitlement monster is born.

Thinking that we "deserve" this, that we "deserve" to be happy, that we "deserve" this thing that is making us happy.

Thinking of things in terms of some kind of balance sheet...deciding that we're coming out on the low end of that sheet, and trying to even things up.

"Don't *I* deserve to be happy, too? Don't *I* deserve something good in my life? Isn't it MY turn for that?"

My two cents - I'm sure Clare-Bear will throw in her ten. :smileywink:

Kim

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005

Clarity here...you rang? :smileyhappy:

I've used that phrase egomaniac with an inferiority complex a lot in regards to people who feel and act superior to others and cut others down...when in fact it is usually due to the feeling of inferiority.   They HAVE to cut others down in order to make themselves look good to others and feel better about themselves.  I get a strong sense of that when I hear people cut down the wife of their affair partner.  And it's galling isn't it, really.  That anyone having an affair should point out someone's physical appearance, who may be beautiful on inside...when we may look beautiful on the outside, but are far from beautiful on the inside.  

How did you feel that the egomaniac with an inferiority complex apply to you, facetothebreeze?  It may involve more than what I mentioned above and not particular apply to you...what I said.  I'm not a licensed psychiatrist, but the phrase pops into mind a lot with some obvious behaviors.  I see it a lot in alcoholics...addicts.

Self entitlement?  I felt entitled to step outside my marriage and have an affair because______ every can fill in their own blank(s).  It's usually on the blame scale...people, places and things.  My husband doesn't /won't/can't_______ is usually right on top.

I think the post you are looking for is under the thread 'ending program'.


Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010

BINGO!

I think I have a Bingo.  Let me check my self assessment. 

Yes, yes I have a BINGO!!!

What? I have to share with all the other winners?

Oh wait..............If I have to share it with that many of you, I going to wait until the next game to give up the card. 

Aaagggggghhhhhh.........I hate that when it happens.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005

or you can PM one person for a 50/50 share :smileyhappy:


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005

Thanks for popping with the perfect explanation...a full bucks worth :smileyhappy:

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2012
RBM no holding out on us!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005

Oh sure....now YOU want in for a cut! :smileyvery-happy:


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2012

Justkim, that's it...THAT'S IT.  You put into words my lifetime...I'm just not good at finding the words to describe it.  Through counseling, I have been coming to terms with childhood issues...and they seem to tie in exactly with your description of entitlement. 

My dad was a bully.   Still is.  I can remember as far back as 5 years old, feeling responsible for the safety and happiness of my mom and older brother.  Even as a child, I felt like I had to protect them somehow from my dad.  Spent my whole life trying to do that...also became an approval seeker to the extreme.  Yes, now I can see how that entitlement monster would have formed and taken off on some weird, misguided tangent.

Clarity, I don't think I have the same view of 'egomaniac/inferiority complex' as you do.  Actually, I was surprised to read what you felt it was.  Mine is coming from the view of myself of feeling 'entitled' (re: Kim's reply) vs. my self image of being passive and submissive.  There are parts of me that are quite extreme, although it is the passive, side that seems to manifest itself in my life more than the other.  I don't feel superior to people at all; at least I don't think I do...maybe that is something else to investigate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2012
Oh sure....now YOU want in for a cut! :smileyvery-happy:

LOL Clarity...as you know my financial situation, I will take any cut I can get :smileywink:
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005

Okay...this is like the game telephone where the person whispers a sentence in the first persons ear, that person whispers it in the next persons ear...and so on and so on...and the last person repeats it outloud, and it is never exactly as it started out....lol

Kim's explanation was perfect in regards to self-entitlement...per usual.

You said in your post > "Egomaniac with an inferiorty complex' was something that I heard in a 12 step program, decades ago - that is so ME. <

I chimed in how I have used that phrase as well to describe certain people.  I, however, have never used it here to refer to anyone here.  I have noticed in some of my past dealings with an xb/f and some of his ole drinking buddys that they all seemed to have an air of superiority about them, yet suffered from inferiority complexes. They were always pointing out others character flaws, and it got worse and worse with each drink...hence my version.

I googled it, though...

Inferiority Superiority Complex

Sometimes, it turns out a character who seems to think the world of themselves actually doesn't; their high-and-mighty attitude hides crippling insecurity. They're often eager, even desperate, to prove themselves, and they won't take it well if their attempt fails. Commonly they'll try to feel more secure by putting others down. 

So, please don't be confusing the two and be thinking that I steered you towards that line of thinking about yourself.  YOU brought it :smileywink:

((hugs))

Clarity

 

 


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