Part of the detox process??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
Part of the detox process??
2
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 8:09pm

I was feeling great relief that I finally let go. As thoughts came to mind, I could knock em out with a counter thought that I'm not going there anymore. I was doing well.

THEN these thoughts of "I can't believe I did that" and "who was that person that inhabited my mind and body the last 2 years?" and just EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW.... why would I EVER fall for that craziness?? And why did I think he's wonderful? Why did it take so long to finally sink in and stop?

So tonight I'm just feeling perplexed. Is all this just part of the detox process?? I really need to hurry and get thru it because I'm going on an amazing vacation in 2 weeks!! :smileywink:

I'm going to go thru all my affirmations and see if that helps. I've been collecting them, so I have LOTS.I'm also very grateful that you all were here and that I've come out of all this safe, with my life intact. (well not the marriage, but I really believe that had to end anyway.) BTW, tomorrow would have been my 37 anniversary.

Please, anyone still involved in an A, STOP now!! You WILL feel much better..... really!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 9:00pm

>THEN these thoughts of "I can't believe I did that" and "who was that person that inhabited my mind and body the last 2 years?" and just EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW.... why would I EVER fall for that craziness?? And why did I think he's wonderful? Why did it take so long to finally sink in and stop?  So tonight I'm just feeling perplexed. Is all this just part of the detox process?<

Absolutely.  As the fog lifts, not only do we emerge, but so do all the feelings (guilt, remorse, shame and incredulousness) over our conduct.  They're all out there...clear as day...in our face...for us to assess and  address.  Letting go was hard, but now the really hard work on ourself must begin. 

Do you have a T, ksmiles4me?  Oh, and by the way, how did you come about your name?  It is not affair partner related is it? That would not be so good.

A T will help you dig really deep into your core issues, issues that go beyond the scope of our support.  I think it's really important to seek counseling as this will ensure that you never go down such a destructive path again. I,myself, loved therapy. It was painful at times and sometimes I felt like an exposured raw nerve and everyfreakin'body was stepping on it, but I also knew that I had to open up some old wounds in order for them to heal properly.  Just some food for thought.

I think when we get to the "Ewwww, what was I thinking" stage, we've turned a major corner.

Good for you for using Affirmations...they really do work.

I'm sorry about your failed marriage...that has to be hard and yet another loss to grieve.

Keep reaching out, especially if tomorrow and the next few days prove to be kinda tough.

((hugs))

Clarity


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 9:19pm

Thank you Clarity.

The name has nothing to do with A. I don't even remember how I came up with it.

I tried therapy from January to May, didn't like the therapist. Tried another one in July, but didn't care for her right off, so I didn't go back for a second time. I need to find another... actually I used xap for talking to, partially because he was the only one that I could talk freely. Yea, I know, not a good idea.

The first therapist and I talked about issues of abandonment and attachment, there are lots of examples in my life. I've never felt a connection with anyone until xap. It's strange to me that I know what the 'issues' are, I can understand them based on what has happened in my life, but how do I change it? I can't change the past, I can only learn from it and move forward... so I guess that's where I get stuck.

Thanks again. Yes the affirmations do really work, I'm amazed how much they do work when I see changes happening day by day. I notice the difference if I don't do them for a couple of days too.