What I'm worried about is the text after that one. That's when the "fun" (i.e., drama) will begin -- and that may be the point that I need to completely block/delete/whatever.
Um - why are you waiting for that? Color me dumb, but block him now - and you can miss the dramatics all together.
Some time back - someone posted (and I'm so sorry that I can't remember who) that drama is as drama allows - I don't think Myra is off base, and I do think that you are still somewhat in the fog to believe that she's attacking you. If someone is married, they are married even if they are separated. That's why an A is an A is an A - there are no "dynamic differences". Until they are divorced - they are married.
ALL of us signed up for what we got - it's the nature of ALL A's - there are NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am not too sure why you are deleting your posts - I could make some guess.
I know that you feel the responses you received were harsh. They weren't, in my opinion, but perhaps that's because I am now 11 month and counting out from my affair, and no longer interested in trying to explain why my affair was so different.
See, he was separated too, was looking for an apartment ... family & friends were told that we were going to be together. You get the picture.
I realized from my time here, that nothing was different.
My affair was NO different. I wanted to free myself from the distorted thinking and get back to living a life I was proud of. I was so tired I could hardly feed myself. I was a shell of a person, who thank goodness had the sense about her to know that there are MANY people to love & be loved by in the world, and that life would be so much better once I was out of my affair. I realized that even if we were together I would grow to slowly resent him and myself for the destruction we had caused one another's family. I would never have trusted him, and I would never have got the help I needed to heal myself. I likely would have had another affair - and I am certain he would have too. A solid partnership COULD NOT have been built on a foundation poured from lies, deceit, hurt & manipulation.
If you are serious in wanting to end the pain in your life, then you MUST block & walk. There is no room for wondering, no waiting for the drama to begin. If you must, you send one final text/email that simply says "This affair is over. I am moving on with my life. Do not contact me again." Short and to the point. Ending the madness is an act of courage and faith. We're here so that you don't have to do it alone, but in the end YOU are the one that will live with the consequences of whatever you decide.
Hi IDK, in answer to your question I sent a very short final email along the lines of "I want to live my life with integrity and honesty, I want my marriage to work, and I want to make choices that my children can be proud of. Please don't contact me again."
Within minutes of sending that email, the fear and loneliness and sadness of ending were too much to bear alone so I googled "help with ending an A" which brought me here. One of the first pieces of advice I received was to block all forms of contact/change my routines so he couldn't find me/delete past emails/remove his contact details from my phone/let unknown numbers go to voicemail/prepare myself to say "I can't talk with you" and walk away if he ever approached me in person. It was incredibly hard but I did it all.
By the time he finally found a way to get through to me, I was 31 days NC and had forged the resolve to "stick to the script" and tell him that it was over. For 31 days he had been trying to call me/email me/text me/find me, and
I hate when we lose someone, I to had some tough love at 1st that burned my butt hurt my feelings etc, sometimes made me want to say fu what do you know? These ladies and our few men know what they are talking about they made it to the other side.
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Deleted.
Um - why are you waiting for that? Color me dumb, but block him now - and you can miss the dramatics all together.
Some time back - someone posted (and I'm so sorry that I can't remember who) that drama is as drama allows - I don't think Myra is off base, and I do think that you are still somewhat in the fog to believe that she's attacking you. If someone is married, they are married even if they are separated. That's why an A is an A is an A - there are no "dynamic differences". Until they are divorced - they are married.
ALL of us signed up for what we got - it's the nature of ALL A's - there are NO EXCEPTIONS.
and that is real life.
Deleted.
I am not too sure why you are deleting your posts - I could make some guess.
I know that you feel the responses you received were harsh. They weren't, in my opinion, but perhaps that's because I am now 11 month and counting out from my affair, and no longer interested in trying to explain why my affair was so different.
See, he was separated too, was looking for an apartment ... family & friends were told that we were going to be together. You get the picture.
I realized from my time here, that nothing was different.
My affair was NO different. I wanted to free myself from the distorted thinking and get back to living a life I was proud of. I was so tired I could hardly feed myself. I was a shell of a person, who thank goodness had the sense about her to know that there are MANY people to love & be loved by in the world, and that life would be so much better once I was out of my affair. I realized that even if we were together I would grow to slowly resent him and myself for the destruction we had caused one another's family. I would never have trusted him, and I would never have got the help I needed to heal myself. I likely would have had another affair - and I am certain he would have too. A solid partnership COULD NOT have been built on a foundation poured from lies, deceit, hurt & manipulation.
If you are serious in wanting to end the pain in your life, then you MUST block & walk. There is no room for wondering, no waiting for the drama to begin. If you must, you send one final text/email that simply says "This affair is over. I am moving on with my life. Do not contact me again." Short and to the point. Ending the madness is an act of courage and faith. We're here so that you don't have to do it alone, but in the end YOU are the one that will live with the consequences of whatever you decide.
Please make your choices wisely.
Much care,
TU.
IDKWIWT -
Tu said it best so I'll post it here -
"
Hi IDK, in answer to your question I sent a very short final email along the lines of "I want to live my life with integrity and honesty, I want my marriage to work, and I want to make choices that my children can be proud of. Please don't contact me again."
Within minutes of sending that email, the fear and loneliness and sadness of ending were too much to bear alone so I googled "help with ending an A" which brought me here. One of the first pieces of advice I received was to block all forms of contact/change my routines so he couldn't find me/delete past emails/remove his contact details from my phone/let unknown numbers go to voicemail/prepare myself to say "I can't talk with you" and walk away if he ever approached me in person. It was incredibly hard but I did it all.
By the time he finally found a way to get through to me, I was 31 days NC and had forged the resolve to "stick to the script" and tell him that it was over. For 31 days he had been trying to call me/email me/text me/find me, and
Wishing you strength and serenity
Kat
I'm sorry you have left or took offense to the tough love offered here, you have to ask yourself
- what do people have to gain from giving you tough love?
- how much longer do you want to live in limboland?
Life is not a rehearsal, this is it, It's time to take control of your life IDK, only you can do that.
V888
Yes, what I love about this board is EVERYONE is speaking from EXPERIENCE.
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