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|Wed, 01-08-2014 - 9:34pm|
I haven't been on here in ages. I have been married 10 years with a small child and having A with married man for 2+ years. He crushed me 4 months in and ended things in a very hurtful way. Through the help of this forum I went NC for 5 weeks. He then contacted me clearly looking for playtime. I avoided for a while but then felt oddly flattered and craved that excitement and attention. We began again but this time, he apologized for ending thjngs, said he got scared snd said he still loved me. All the things I'd been dying to hear. Things went along great. We spoke and texted endlessly, became best friends and spoke about being together but there was always some mistrust and jealousy. The relationship seemed like me doing alot of ego stroking and i was always there for him and seeing each other seemed to be on his time and my dime. But whenevet jealousy struck on his end, i did whatever it took to make him see i wouldnt hurt him and I meant it. I love him like no other. Writing this, I do question why but he made me feel so special, so connected and I could truly feel his love for me. But when i was upset with him or gave him a tough time, he would just walk away which always turned into me chasing, crying, convincing him to try again. Things were great for a while until 2 dsys ago when i questioned him and not so nicely attacked him via text due to my jealousy. I caught him in a lie and when i called him out on it he just replied 'you're attacking me.goodbye. I'm done. Dont contact me'. Of course I then apologized but although I know he lied I find myself beating myself up over my behavior. I feel so crazy I dont't even know anymore if this is acceptable. Please help... I now want to go back to my ways of begging and pleading. I feel like I've been punched in the gut and can't handle this. How can he just give up and forget?