A perfectly good man

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
A perfectly good man
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 4:32pm

Is there already one in your life?  Oh, he may not be perfect, but he's a good man...standing right there, right in front of you, still loving you...living in the same perhaps-troubled marriage/relationship...but still there...by your side.   Maybe he's forgotten to put out the trash...or hung the picture crooked...or put the pillowcase on inside out...maybe he hasn't said in so many words how he loves you.  Maybe he's lonely and sad because he's lost his best friend and he can't express it because he doesn't quite understand what's happened...the subtle shift of attention away from him and the family...he can only sense it...but can't quite put his finger on it.  All he knows is his best friend...his wife...his lover has gone missing...and he'd love to have her back. 

Do you have a perfectly good man?

Tell us about him.  



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 5:41pm

Thank you, I needed this reminder today.

I have a perfectly GREAT man.

My H and partner of 7+ years would do pretty much anything for me. His biggest 'flaw' was that his career always took first priority, time-wise. It prevented us from spending much more than a few quality/awake hours together per week, with a very occasional full day off.

During the fallout of the A (which he does not know about) and a severe depressed episode, I was broke down in tears and told him flat out how lonely I was and that I love him but don't know how much longer I can be married but not really have a present partner.

The next day, he made some calls, and a week later a major career decision. He will start a new career next month - one that will give us almost identical schedules. Weekends and nights off together, all the time. And he did it partially for me, to save US. Now that's a good man.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2012
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 6:52pm
I too have a perfectly good man. A perfectly wonderful man. He loves to cook, so he does it all. (I take care of all technical and computer things.) He understands my love of writing, so he gives me the time and space to be creative. He makes me laugh. He's a great father. The list goes on and on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2011
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 10:29pm
No I dont and hope one day to meet this man and never take him for granted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 7:28am

I have me a good man - a very good man and I was about to say he deserves much better than me but I shall correct myself and say he didnt deserve to have his W cheat on him. Not for one second. He was exactly as you described Clarity, not quite sure what was amiss but didnt know where his W had been, and he missed her terribly. I asked him while on our summer hols how did this holiday differ from our last? Without even thinking about it he said "you are here Sunny, you are with us". It was a bitter sweet moment for sure.

Kate Good luck! Looking forward to hearing your updates.

A thankful Sunny Soon Xxx

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 2:04pm
Hi K8! So glad to see you here and to see that DH is on the winner's podium while xAP struggles with the seatbelt in his La-Z-Boy. Long may he sit, and long may you two run.

Hugs -Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Sat, 08-25-2012 - 9:48pm

Clarity...I've been thinking about this thread a lot lately. Hesitating..because..well..because we still have some really serious issues we are trying to work through. And some days? I just feel like giving up. But I've been thinking about why I stay. This is what I have come up with.

Bottom line? H is a good man with a good heart. What you see is what you get. It is what drew me to him( 23 years ago)..in the first place.  His authenticity is paralleled in improtance by the fact that his sense of humor is endless. and his insights are deep

And as we have started confronting some rough stuff this year..I have come to realize just how deep his care for me is. How genuine. I think of how..when I get lost in thought about xAP..he gently reaches over, squeezes my hand..and says...nothing more than..hey..it's okay, You're going to be okay.  And I KNOW I am not that gracious when the people I care about the most hurt me. I admire that he can be this person.

 But mostly? It's the small things. I love to watch him greet and kiss each of our grown boys on the face every single time they walk in the door. I love watching him cook..because the man LOVES to cook. He gets great pleasure out of fixing and enjoying family meals with..well..everyone..family, friends, strangers....But I really love this about him.

Thanks again for starting this thread, and helping me write the positive.  Now back to the living room  to hang with my familia.


  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2011
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 1:11pm

Yes ma'am!  Not only is he a good man, he is the hottest 36 yr old I know...lol.  When I really sit back and look at him I see what other people see....he is a good provider,  very handsome,  rides a sportbike (which is a big deal to me...lol...nothing hotter than a guy on a fast bike :smileywink: )And best of all:  he is a man, not a pot smoking college student like xap! :smileyhappy:


Sometimes you just have to die a little inside in order to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 9:43am
yes I do, chubby hubby of 36 years today! I am so thankful to still have him in my life every day, even with the crazy-making things he does, but he is truly a giving person to all who know him. I am also thankful the A didn't undo what all these 36 years have been about, building a life, a family, and a LTR through the "taillight years."

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 11:34am
Aww Miss Daisy!!
Sending Happy Anniversary Wishes to you and many Congratulations on 36 years! Wishing you both health, love and happiness for the "taillight years"

Sunny Soon Xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 12:34pm

Happy 36th Anniversary, Daisy!