Perplexed

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Perplexed
4
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 5:32pm

Question?
I began an A with a co-worker (both of us M; he 2 kids me 0 kids)
It's been fun! The IC is great (got into it for this reason and this reason only) & I thought I could keep it on a sexual level only. Trouble...(of course I saw it coming) is that because the IC is there regularily (weekly) I find that I'm growing to want more. I need to get out before someone (namely me) gets hurt. Neither of our H/W know about it. Our time together is explained with work and we never miss our home time cause we plan our adventures around meeting for work during daylight hours.

Now........how do I actually get out? Do I just stop communicating with him via email? Phone calls? Should everything be work related and hope that he'll get the picture? I don't want to come accross as hurt to him cause if I get out now I won't be? His feelings are unclear to me. He claims to have never cheated b4 (which I don't believe). We got to this point cause he made the first move by telling me "he'd be willing to risk it for me just once". I replied..."it's like potato chips....can't have just one!"....bliss for the past 4 months.......................

Any help without judgment is welcomed:)
C

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: hellsie22
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 7:14pm

Hi Hellsie, my A began much like yours, for the sex. And it was great, I will never forget that. And we also only met during workdays afternoons, never talked at night or weekends, no one really ever found out, although he said W was suspicious last spring.

As for you wondering how to end it? I've said this before on here, its going to be hard for you, with working with him. At least I have no chance of seeing MM if its over, we don't even live in the same city.

How do you do it? Probably since you have to work together, you will have to interact still on a professional basis. Maybe if you tell him, "it was fun while it lasted, but its time to get real and think about how much is at stake here." And tell him you plan to maintain NC on a personal level, although if you have to, there will be professional interaction at work.

Its going to be really tough for you. I know I wouldn't be able to do it, if I had to see MM on a regular basis and know its over.

Good luck to you honey.

Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
In reply to: hellsie22
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 7:57pm

I work with MM and I wish I had broken things off when I was at the point you are at now. Same situation where he made the move and it was sex, sex, sex. I let it go for just over 2 years and now it is hell. He left me on Jan 1/05 and then 2 weeks later went on stress leave. My life has been hell and work is no fun anymore, too many memories. I would love to have the opportunity to turn back time and stop it at the point you are at. That's just my opinion. I don't like all the things that have happened that have changed who I am, changed me maybe forever. Good luck with your decision.
LilRocket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
In reply to: hellsie22
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 9:52pm

Ladies,
Thanks for the input so far. From the sounds of it....consensus is that I get out while the goin' is good! We actually work for the same co. but different buildings so I could NOT see him regularily but we are 2 of 4 teammates and he was/is my mentor; that being said it would seem odd if we didn't talk as much (not to me so much as to our peers and our boss). I really do like him; smart, funny and it seems perfect at everything (except as a loyal H). My H low sex drive....he'd never suspect a thing. It's the moral issue coming back to me that I see down the road someone/many people are going to get hurt.

For the record...neither of us have intentions on leaving W/H. Is this often the belief in the begining?

Thanks for the support. Lord knows there's nobody else who'll listen to this craziness:)I'll keep you posted and If anyone has anymore thoughts on how to peacefully quit this MM; my bad habit:)
C

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: hellsie22
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 10:54pm

hellsie,

get out while u can, u still are not emotionally invested in this affair, once u make it a fanstasy in you mind and u become emotionally invested its a whole new ball game, make sure OM is also not emotionally invested or he might try to pull u back in

just my 2 cents, thread lightly, its been hell for since i wokr also with OW

take care,
max