Personal views on affairs and this board
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|Sat, 04-19-2003 - 12:43pm|
I was married and was completely miserable in my marriage. I was at a state where it was easy for me to get out. I had an easy divorce. Most people who go through a divorce were not as fortunate as me and my exhusband. Some people have spouses that want to find them until the end. Therefore if they cannot get out, they feel the need to reach out. Not all married people who have affairs are horrible people with no feelings. Several just seek love from somewhere else when they are not getting it from home. There are consequences of course, but that does not make that person heartless or uncaring. They simply wanted love and passion in their life. Obviously, the people here are either attempting to get our of their affair or already out and trying to move on with their life. I can see it not being an easy task for those of you who are married. IF you are in an unhappy marriage with a spouse that will not budge to meet you halfway then it can be a difficult and lonely process. You may not have that easy route out like some others do in their divorce. I am talking about myself again. I am not naive whatsoever to not believe that there are married men and women that are in good marriages that are players looking for their next "lay" if you will. THe married women here are obviously going through an ordeal an just want to get support in trying to move pass their affairs.
I am single woman who fell in love with an unavailable man. I didn't look for it. It just happened. I fell deeper and deeper and that made it harder to pull myself out of it. I should have tried to pull myself out of it when I found out, but I didn't. That is my fault. It doesn't quite make me a bad person either. I fell for a man that was unavailable. I have no hate for her or for him. It wasn't her fault of course. It was mm's fault and my fault. He pursued me and I kept pursuiing him knowing he was unavailable. For my individual situation, I felt and still do feel he loves me. I have moved on with my life but know he did not just think about me as someone to hop in the sack with. He is a very caring man. He does go through his moments where he does tend to put up a fight for me here and there. I think that his human nature though when you have been involved and intimate with other for over a year.It is hard for both parties to completely let go of each other. I went through some very lonely times like the other single women here. Yes, that makes are cirumstances different. Does it actually make it better? If you are in a bad marriage that you can't get out of...no!I am just trying to say we all go through hurt in different ways. It is still hurt.
I get confused about what this board is suppose to be about sometimes. I quite honestly do not want the board to be separated by married verses singles. IF it is done, I would prefer that they still keep this board available for all. I want to hear what both sides are going through. We are all going through hurt from an affair. We have all gotten ourselves involved in an affair that was hard to pull ourselves out of. I don't thinkg people should be categorized. I am not one to group people. I try to look as each person as an individual and then make my decision. There are single people out there too that take advantage of lonely people in a marriage to pursue that married person. It goes both ways. The bottom line is that the people who are here are here for their hurt from an affair. Can we not all remember that and quit this bashing of the single people verses the married people and vice versa. Is all of this really necessary? Keep in mind that we are are going through hurt from an affair. We have all done wrong. That is what it boils down to...married or single. The married people knew they were married when they chose to have an affair and the single people knew or found out the other person was married when they were involved with that person. The only difference I see here is if a single person did not ever have any aknowledgement of the other person's marital status. Most here were involved in longer term affairs to be aware of the the marital status. To my knowledge there is noone on this board who wasn't aware. PLease correct me if I am wrong. This is all known to all of us. People are here either to support or be supported. That is all it should be about. The single verses married bashing should stop. People are hurt here and don't come here to hear that. That should be on the debate board as far as I am concerned. JMHO
Edited 4/19/2003 12:49:21 PM ET by casey055