Perspective
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Perspective
| Sat, 01-29-2011 - 6:56pm |
Its been a long time since I've created a post. I've been reading and commenting and supporting when I can.
| Sat, 01-29-2011 - 6:56pm |
Its been a long time since I've created a post. I've been reading and commenting and supporting when I can.
Great post Cait!!!
You've had a lot of loss to grieve but I'm so glad to hear that you are doing so well on your journey!
When I first came to the board, I had a hard time buying into the addiction idea. It was new to me. I didn’t see my A as an addiction. However, over time and with more hindsight I too could see there was a lot of obsessive and addictive qualities to the contact when I was in the A. I also got a high from the risk involved which over time I did get addicted to.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
What a beautiful and heartwarming post. You have done a lot of reflecting and growth. I remember when you first came to this board, and the different between that poster and this woman here today is incredible. YOU have made amazing strides in understanding yourself, your grief and your xAP. It is freeing when you really do realize that anything about xAP just doesn't matter. When we learn that taking accountability actually feels good, even if it feels crushing at first. When we take responsibility for our choices, we take our lives back and no longer feel vulnerable to the whims of others.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us,
TU.
Hello Cait,
I have been thinking about you all week.
Cait, What an amazing and inspiring post!
((((Cait))))
So proud of you, honey. This perspective is beautiful and shows how much you have grown. I remember so well when you first came to the boards. Like all of us, you were so broken. My heart hurt for you when I read your posts. You struggled so much, but kept fighting through all the emotions, relying on us to help guide and comfort you.
When you ran into xap and he tried to kiss you, then you
I never thought I would feel this free; at the beginning I thought I would be forever haunted by exAP. With a lot of inner conflict and soul searching, I have come to this very real and honest place. It's not to say that I don't have certain triggers; I am just able to deal with the triggers instead of dwell on them.
I try to live my life now by the extraordinary way my dad led his own life and try to be an extension of his love and lessons he taught us over the years.