Phone Relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Phone Relationship
6
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 6:32pm
I'm new to the boards, but I've been lurking for weeks. I just emailed my mm after I called it off June 8th. Seven days. I was going strong. I blew it!

I've been in an emotional relationship for over a year. We met online--started out as friends--emailing and instant messenging each other often. It transitioned to a phone relationship easily, and that's where it stayed. We completely stopped emails and instant messenging. I loved his voice and vice-versa. I tried to end it several times. Half heartedly. The whole thing just ate away at me. I've gained weight. I've stopped seeing friends. I chose to put my life on hold for him. Waiting for him to call. Waiting for me to end it. Waiting for him to end it. Whatever! It's all so crazy. I hate it. Yet. I'm a fool for this man. I do keep my cool with him. This is the first time I've ever shared any over emotional thoughts with anyone, and I appreciate you listening.

I truly did end it this time. So I thought. There was no half way. Again, so I thought. Even my melt-down wasn't an initiation of things to start up. Just a dumb silly note to let him know I was thinking of him, and that things have not changed on my end, but that the whole thing is difficult for me.

I doubt I will hear from him. He may have even blocked my email. He's done that in the past when we haven't gotten along. One can wish for miracles, yes? I've been hearing about him via a mutual friend, and all of a sudden he stopped emailing her. I paniced. I guess I didn't "end" it like I thought I did--not in my heart. Did I? Nope! Do I feel like an absolute failure? Yes, completely.

Oh my gosh, I'm talking to myself, lol.

Anyone else in an emotional relationship they are trying to end? Please feel free to email me. I would love to email those in a similar position. I know there is strength in numbers. Thanks for listening. In appreciation, ifm

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Sat, 06-19-2004 - 10:43pm

Hi,


I have to ask did you ever meet this person

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 11:04am
Hi my name is caldordomestics and yes I am in an emotional relationship {actually a flat out A} that I need and (sort of, but its so hard) want to end.

Your post struk a never and I have my own post going that I added this morning.

Help is good. Thats why Im here. Maybe if we each have someone to email instead of the emailing the OM we can get past the withdrawl stages easier and stronger.

Im at caldordomestics@yahoo.com

:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 6:33pm
Hi Connie,

No my xMM is not from Pennsylvania. I venture to say, there are more than one sexy male voice out there. Is there a sexy voice bandit running ramped in PA? --sounds like an interesting story to me. Thanks for your concern and friendship. ~ifm *smiling*

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 6:59pm
Hi Caldordomestics,

Thank you for your friendship and support. I didn't realize ending my relationship with my xMM would be so difficult. Since I called the shots, I felt I had the power in the decision, and truly believed it would make things easier for me. My bravado in this whole situation surprised me most. I really thought I had it all figured out, and under control. At the moment, my ambivalence frightens me, and I can't help wonder that ending it all made me realize how much I really cared for the big dummy. Of course, I won't change my mind. My decision to end the affair is final, but goodness, such emotions pouring out of me is unusual for me, lol. I'm so glad this board is available. How are you holding up? ~ifm

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 8:05pm
:-)

Today I am doing pretty good. Thanks for asking.

We just get sucked in to the praise and attention and fear loosing it. I think that is the underlying thing in all of these A's that Im reading. We get these MM and OM as they are needing to pour out and/or pamper someone maybe because their homelife is upside down and they too seek the praise us enablers give them. Its a give and take but at some point one of us realizes that this just flat out sucks and somethings gotta give. Its just hard to give up...we loose control and its scarey.

Sometimes when the emptyness gets into my stomach I try to laugh at it or ask God to remove it. Some times I give it icecream or a pepermint patti to keep it company ;P

Right now I am the one stopping the A it but even today we had a very civil conversation whereby he told me he loves me but understands that I deserve more then to be the OW.

Sheesh... these darn emotions... go see Shreck.... that will make ya giggle for a few hours and give you a break!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 11:14am

Hi,I forgive me:


Yes there is a sexy voice bandit loose in Pa and I can tell you he has fans all over the country from the east coast to the west coast...lets just say he is very good at what he does!

Dance as if no one were watching;


Sing as if no one were listening;


Live every day as if it were your last.


Stillbelieves