Planning for a diffiult day

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2001
Planning for a diffiult day
8
Thu, 01-03-2013 - 4:17pm

How do you do that?  I know that Monday will be difficult, so how do I prepare for it?  How do I plan so I stay strong?  How do I do it again on Tuesday?

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 01-03-2013 - 5:37pm

 By doing what needs to be done with decorum,and class.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2012
Thu, 01-03-2013 - 6:45pm

I think being prepared is more about your level of acceptance and commitment to ending.

It isn't about what to prepare against, so much as it is to make decisions of what you are not willing to do anymore.  For example, deciding that no matter how hard it gets you aren't going to respond.  And along with that you are going to keep your own word of it being over.  You need to decide if you are going to hold out hope that this guy magically fits what you need and want - or if you've had enough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2012
Thu, 01-03-2013 - 6:45pm

I think being prepared is more about your level of acceptance and commitment to ending.

It isn't about what to prepare against, so much as it is to make decisions of what you are not willing to do anymore.  For example, deciding that no matter how hard it gets you aren't going to respond.  And along with that you are going to keep your own word of it being over.  You need to decide if you are going to hold out hope that this guy magically fits what you need and want - or if you've had enough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Thu, 01-03-2013 - 7:19pm
Hi Kittery and hugs to you, I can't begin to imagine how difficult it must be to have to work with your xAP. I think Icbnic is right, the core to being prepared is wanting it, needing it to be over, with every ounce of your being. If there is the slightest doubt or desire for it to continue, it likely will. It hurts to finally let it go, it hurts to continue..... There is no future in A's if you were to be together you would be by now. Let it go Kittery, it will hurt either way but six months from now - summer time, you will hurt a whole lot less than now. Commit to you, commit to being who you really are, if you can do that then thats half the battle. Wishing you strength on the journey ahead.... (((hugs))) Sunny Soon Xx
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Fri, 01-04-2013 - 3:33am

Hi Kittery

I worked with my xAP. We ended last year in January, and 10 months after the split I left my job and started a whole new chapter of my life.

I survived the 10 month LC by making a pact with myself, never to check his calender again. Never leave my desk unless it was absolutly necessary, working from home as much as possible, parked my car in a different spot, changed my work hours, changed my lunch time, avoided lingering anywhere, did not go to meeting he was at - instead took them by conference call if it was important, if I saw him, I put my head down and avioded eye contact, I enjoyed the time at home and weekends, I looked after myself, I excercised, and took long walks, I read loads of books, I looked after the people who meant most to me - I used my life line - EAS... I suported others here, and was supported all the way through.

Its not an easy journey, and remember we were responisble for getting so lost, so we must also take responsibility for finding our own happiness and find our way again. It can be done... there is so much proof here on EAS.

Best of luck, WGO

Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Fri, 01-04-2013 - 7:55am

Preparing is really 'thinking' it all the way through.

You have to think you WANT to be done.  No one can force you to do anything you don't want to do. It's attitude and determination. There is no dark evil force waiting to get you. It is all on you.

Either you are done, or you aren't. Sound too simple? It is. Simple yes, easy NO! It is hard when you want to hang on. Hoping, waiting for some fatasay to come true. 

It is up to you to do something. The something is to end it. If he knows you are done, then you can quit worrying about him emailing you, calling you or whatever. You have a voice, express it. It can be a simple email, or what ever. BUT...YOU have to do it.

Prepare???  When you realize this is a fight for your life, and losers end up defeated and slaves to a life of failure, you will gain a little backbone. 

It's all on you.  Stand up. Walk without fear. You are in control of your own life.

I'm pulling for you,

Rather....

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2001
Fri, 01-04-2013 - 2:09pm

Thank you everyone.  You all are right, it is within me to change my destiny!  The hardest part is that I haven't given up on loving him.  I don't want a future with him, that is I don't want us to leave our families for each other.  I don't think we match well to be together.  So, that leaves me with a desire that I don't know what is.  I don't want him as a husband, yet, the A is not what I want either, but letting go seems unfulfilling.  But I do know the pain the A has given me is not somehting I can continue.

I also am angry he doesn't have to pay the same way I do.  I know this is silly, but I just feel sad.

My husband and I have been separated, though still live together for our children, for about a year.  I tried dating and I couldn't.  As long as then ap is in my life, I can't.  I've been married more than 22 years and yet this is the first time I've been in love.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2001
Fri, 01-04-2013 - 2:09pm

Thank you everyone.  You all are right, it is within me to change my destiny!  The hardest part is that I haven't given up on loving him.  I don't want a future with him, that is I don't want us to leave our families for each other.  I don't think we match well to be together.  So, that leaves me with a desire that I don't know what is.  I don't want him as a husband, yet, the A is not what I want either, but letting go seems unfulfilling.  But I do know the pain the A has given me is not somehting I can continue.

I also am angry he doesn't have to pay the same way I do.  I know this is silly, but I just feel sad.

My husband and I have been separated, though still live together for our children, for about a year.  I tried dating and I couldn't.  As long as then ap is in my life, I can't.  I've been married more than 22 years and yet this is the first time I've been in love.